A bit off track

It seems my year hasn't been going according to plan.

It used to be that would derail me for months, and leave me wondering how I could get it back on track. Not anymore!

Life is never "on track." It may seem that way at times. But it is a meandering path we follow in life, not a straight one. And that is what makes the journey worthwhile.

My Mom is doing amazing! She finished all her chemo treatments, and has been steadily gaining her energy back. Her tests are telling her she's in the clear, and for that we are all thankful!

My pay-it-forward plan has been put on the back burner for no good reason. I've been preoccupied with my Mom's health, and with all the things life has brought to me. That shouldn't have precluded me from continuing on my goal, but it did. Truth.

Our little family has a huge trip set for next summer, and we've all been dreaming, plotting and planning for it for quite some time. And now it's official: the Reynolds family is going around the world!! My husband figured out an elaborate air miles plan with credit cards, and we've been gathering points for years. Last night, he booked the final leg of our journey. Today, we visit the local passport office to get the kids their passports. It's all really going to happen! It's a bit daunting, but amazing to see our hard work paying off and making our dream a reality. You can follow our journey on our blog, www.kidsmeetworld.com.

Thanks to everyone who's been there for us this year. Gratitude makes you humble. It can also open your eyes to new possibilities and new paths in life.

I want the old one back

So, I had a very strange thought in the shower this morning, and I'm not sure quite how I connected all this, so bear with me...

Oh, and I apologize in advance for the horrific image this post will leave in your head. :-)

Every morning after my shower, I have to use a squeegee (is that how you spell that??) to wipe down the glass enclosure. Believe me, if I didn't, there would be a huge disaster, and lots of elbow grease to correct the mistake! Last week, my husband put our squeegee through the dishwasher to clean it up. Nice thought, and well executed. Unfortunately, the dishwasher was a wee bit too hot for the thing, and it ended up not being able to perform it's duties afterward.

New squeegee in hand, I proceeded to wipe down the glass, and was frustrated by how poorly the new one performed. The old one was exactly the right width, and did a fantastic job of removing the water without leaving behind bits I had to go back and get again. The new one? Not so much. I started wishing for my old one back, just the way it was.

And then I had a thought.

That is exactly how I felt after my cancer treatments were done. I wanted the old me back, just the way it was. Old body (issues and all.) Old mindset (I'm young and don't have to think about death or illness for a while.) Old life.

I'm sure there are other traumas and tragedies in life that leave you feeling this way. Loss of a loved one or close friend. Child with a newly diagnosed health issue. Returning from a war. They all leave us feeling like we lost something we'd like back.

Now, 5 years out, I'm starting to believe my new life is better. I'm more tuned in to life. I'm much more appreciative of things. I see the scars all over my body and realize that I earned those babies! And while I'm not 100% proud of my body, I sure am more comfortable working with what I've got. I'm not longer ashamed of me.

Life is a journey. I'm still on mine. But now, I'm fully engaged in the moments that make up my life. I'm aware that I can change things, and I can accept things when I need to. I'm striving to live the life that makes me the most happy, and I'm not worrying about living a life that others think is appropriate.

Everyone has their own path. Be comfortable on yours. Seek out what makes you happy. Appreciate the joy you feel when you feel it. Share that joy with others, and encourage them to experience their own journey in their own way. What's good for you may not be for them, but that doesn't stop either of you from having a fulfilling life.

OK. I'm sure I've totally lost some of you with this post. I'm not so sure I totally understand my thoughts here, either. I know this: Life is amazing, and fully engaging in living it is even better!

Carpe Diem

School's out around here, and that's supposed to mean lots of trips to the pool and hanging out outside. But Mother Nature seems to have different plans.

We've had some wacky weather here, and it's still much cooler than "normal" (whatever that means) for this area. Tons of rain, even though we live in a desert. Cool temps, even though we live in a desert.

The kids and I have yet to establish a routine for these summer days. We sleep in, eat late, and end up getting not much accomplished before Dad comes home. (Can you tell I'm feeling a bit guilty?) That is going to have to change soon!

Even with the guilt, it's been so wonderful to hang out with the kids and just be. Ya know? There were days, weeks, and months a few years back that I wasn't sure I'd be around to see any of this. I am so grateful for the opportunity.

I try and remember this daily. Sometimes it's easier than others. (I now have a 10 year old son who thinks he's an adult. Ugh!) And this shouldn't have had to come from my cancer experience. Every parent should be so thankful for every moment they get with their little ones.

You hear it alot from older people. That your little ones aren't little for very long. When we're young, we often roll our eyes and can't see past the shouting match we just had with our kid over the need to change their underwear on a daily basis. (Yes, sadly, this really did happen fairly recently at my house.)

We need to take a step back, once a day at least, and see our lives for what they really are: a gift. Take a deep, cleansing breath and remember one thing about your life or your child that makes you smile.

Ever since cancer, one of my goals is to get people to realize they can seize the day without the shitty cancer journey. Each and every person can see the good, not the bad. They can smile, not frown. The glass is half-full, and all that. It's all a choice, and as soon as you realize that, your life will be so much richer!

So, from time to time, I will be reminding you all of how great life is, and to seize the day! Sometimes all we need is a little nudge. :-)