Wednesday, September 28

My leap of faith begins now

Have you ever had a friend encourage you to do something you've always thought about, but never really thought you could make a go of? I just had the most wonderful lunch with some old friends, and they have inspired me to give up writing in the dark.

I met them all through my children's childcare. As a non-profit, they had a board that I was privileged enough to be asked to join years ago. It was a wonderful experience for me. I felt like I was giving something back to my community, helping those that truly needed it, and making new friends along the way. To this day, they are people I greatly respect and admire, both professionally and personally. Every single one of them have huge hearts and have helped to create a stronger community.

Since we haven't seen each other in a few years, we all went around the table catching everyone up on what we were all up to. It was so great to hear what everyone is doing, and shocking to hear how old all our kids are! (BTW, that does not make any of us old. ;-)) I talked about how I'm going to be a guest on my friends' radio program next month (It's Not One Thing, It's Everything-- 89.9FM KRBX Boise), and how I didn't really know what I was going to talk about. And then I explained what I really want to inspire people to do. Get out there, and quit waiting to follow your dream!

Anyone that knows me knows that I could spend hours talking about all sorts of crazy stuff, but that would never be helpful to anyone! So, I thought I'd ask here if there was anything you guys would love to hear someone like me talk about? Keep in mind, this will be in Pinktober (October for you mainstream, non-initiated folks.) So, I'm sure there will be some information about breast cancer in there.

What I don't want to do is talk about awareness. My God, I think by now we're all aware of breast cancer! We know it exists, and that lots more women (and men) are being diagnosed than ever before. You can't walk down the aisle of any store next month without seeing pink plastered to every possible saleable opportunity. I'm probably going to spend more time talking about how to truly help someone with cancer. Or any illness for that matter. How you can make a difference and fund a cure.

But I'd also love to talk about whatever you want to hear about. Do you want to hear about signs/symptoms? How about statistics? Would you rather hear about my personal journey, or should I make it more impersonal? I want to make my time on air as informative and interesting as I can. If you have any thoughts, feel free to post a comment here, or send me a personal message at CancerMommy1{at}g m a i l {dot} c o m.

And a big huge thank you to my friends from Giraffe Laugh, who inspire me and push me to take a leap of faith now and then. :-)

Wednesday, September 21

Ouch! My achin' Chakras!

I don't know if I've blogged about this before, but I have been a bit addicted to yoga lately. A neighbor has been teaching yoga for over 20 years, and I finally started taking classes this summer. Now, I've taken yoga classes before. Lots of 'em. But about the 3rd class into it, I had an strange experience that really helped open me. I don't know if it's because I have alot of emotional stuff to get through or what, but I had a moment in all the zen of focusing on myself that just changed me.

Tears, lots and lots of tears. I felt like in all the pain of certain poses (since I'm not exactly a yogi, some poses are very difficult for me) I reached a place inside myself that was in just as much pain. It welled up and overfloweth me in that moment. I couldn't hold back, and ended up in child's pose in a loud puddle of tears and sobbing. Even though I didn't know most of my fellow practitioners well, I felt completely safe thanks to my neighbor. It was one of the most healing things I have experienced in my life.

It was clear in that moment that I have not moved beyond my cancer. Oh sure, I've been celebrating my 5 year mark, and living life without worrying about cancer these days. I was sure that I had successfully weathered the emotional storm of cancer and navigated my way through it unscathed. As that one moment taught me, impossible!

I have an immense appreciation for those of you who can easily clear toxic emotions. I have always been in the camp of "stuff it and it'll go away." Turns out emotions have a strange way of coming back up when you least expect it.

I've been working on this for months now. It has been a unique experience for me. Since I've had such a positive experience so far, I decided to take my instructor's Chakra class. It was a 2-day class, with information and explanation of Chakras on day 1, and an experiential component on day 2. I have had some experience with Chakras before, when I've had healing touch therapy. So, I was no stranger to any of that stuff. But participating in day 2's program has left me feeling... strange, confused, and lost.

The actual thing we did as a group is nothing that strange-- just some breathing in a particular way, focusing on the Chakras one at a time. I think it might be all the emotions that this method of breathing has brought to the surface that I'm a bit wigged out by. Maybe I just can't sort through them all right now. Maybe it just takes time. Or maybe it has something to do with my husband telling me all this yoga practice I've been involved in is a kind of religion. (I hate how his words end up circling around in my head when I don't agree with him!) The religion issue is a very long post for another time, but suffice it to say, I am not a religion fan personally. If it helps you and you feel a connection to some religion or group, I applaud you. I just don't. And I've spent my entire adult life trying to get my family and some friends to understand that. *sigh*

This morning in yoga class, I had a moment of pain (physically and emotionally.) I suppose it's something I will be feeling for a very long while. Or until I can sort through it all. But, from the way things feel today, there's an awful lot of stuff to sort.

I guess my point is this: do not ever feel that you should be "over" cancer, or any of the emotions associated with them. Every and all reactions are normal. Just don't let them simmer. Get them out, turn them over, check them out. That is truly the only way you're going to be able to release them once and for all.