It seems my year hasn't been going according to plan.
It used to be that would derail me for months, and leave me wondering how I could get it back on track. Not anymore!
Life is never "on track." It may seem that way at times. But it is a meandering path we follow in life, not a straight one. And that is what makes the journey worthwhile.
My Mom is doing amazing! She finished all her chemo treatments, and has been steadily gaining her energy back. Her tests are telling her she's in the clear, and for that we are all thankful!
My pay-it-forward plan has been put on the back burner for no good reason. I've been preoccupied with my Mom's health, and with all the things life has brought to me. That shouldn't have precluded me from continuing on my goal, but it did. Truth.
Our little family has a huge trip set for next summer, and we've all been dreaming, plotting and planning for it for quite some time. And now it's official: the Reynolds family is going around the world!! My husband figured out an elaborate air miles plan with credit cards, and we've been gathering points for years. Last night, he booked the final leg of our journey. Today, we visit the local passport office to get the kids their passports. It's all really going to happen! It's a bit daunting, but amazing to see our hard work paying off and making our dream a reality. You can follow our journey on our blog, www.kidsmeetworld.com.
Thanks to everyone who's been there for us this year. Gratitude makes you humble. It can also open your eyes to new possibilities and new paths in life.
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Friday, August 24
Tuesday, May 8
Cancer's a bitch, no matter what she's wearing
God! Every time I try and get into a routine posting, something happens to throw a wrench into my plans!
I have been trying to decide how best to write about what's been happening around here. I haven't really figured out the best way to do it yet. :-) So, I'll just treat this as I do most other things in my life. Be blunt. Be real. Speak truth.
In March of this year, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 lymphoma. She was fine one day, and couldn't breathe the next. There were a few very scary moments where I thought we would lose her for sure. (Let's just say, spending the night in the ER watching my mother unable to breathe is not the funnest experience.)
There are many reasons this whole thing threw me. Clearly, the primary reason is that my mother had Stage 4 cancer. Not good. I was also highly frustrated with my parents, who were not handling the situation the way I would have. There were many, many delays in diagnosis and treatment, partially because they chose not to make a big stink when they needed to. In any normal situation, my parents tend to do the opposite of what my advice is. This is nothing new. I was frustrated because I had travelled that road already. Fairly recently, actually. And I knew alot about what they could be doing and what they should be doing to get things moving. I will never understand why they made the decisions they did. But my friend K reminded me that this is my mother's journey, not mine, and that I had to let her make her own decisions about her treatment and care. I will forever be grateful to K for her wise words.
Of course, the diagnosis had me having flashbacks to my own experience. It was strange to be reliving my own experience just hearing the word "cancer." It never really is over, I guess. There will always be those lingering "what if's" and fears. Watching someone you love go through this is sooooo much harder than I realized. I always knew it was difficult, and at times told my husband that I at least could "fight" it with chemo, etc. He was left to watch helplessly, hoping that things turn out ok. How horrible is that??? Now, we're all watching mom.
She has gone from being tethered to an oxygen tank 24/7 to, after 2 chemos and her latest CT scan, most of her tumors in her lungs vanishing! Chemo is no picnic, for sure. And she still has days where things are not great. But, she's had some really good days. Normal days (minus a bit of hair.) She recently celebrated her 60th birthday, with lots of friends and family here to party the night away. My parents have so many friends here that when I put together a dinner calendar, it was nearly full in 3 days!
I find myself clinging to the statistics her oncologist gave us for her cancer, even though I've always shunned them for myself. I am not a statistic, I am me. I will beat the odds. Her "odds" of remission are 80%. Those are some great stats! Better than mine ever were.
So, we're trying to keep on with life as normal as possible. My kids are yet again smack dab in the middle of a very serious health situation. I hate that they have to experience this again! With my parents living a mile away, my kids get to spend alot of time with them. When we told the kids about grandma, my daughter fell into a puddle of tears and was very scared. My son told her everything would be fine, just like it was for me. I can tell he's got some fears, though, behind that strong facade. I'm still trying to get him to voice them.
If you've found yourself at the end of this post, I have just one thought to leave you with. Life can be short. Very short. With each and every day you get, remember to JUST LIVE!
I have been trying to decide how best to write about what's been happening around here. I haven't really figured out the best way to do it yet. :-) So, I'll just treat this as I do most other things in my life. Be blunt. Be real. Speak truth.
In March of this year, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 lymphoma. She was fine one day, and couldn't breathe the next. There were a few very scary moments where I thought we would lose her for sure. (Let's just say, spending the night in the ER watching my mother unable to breathe is not the funnest experience.)
There are many reasons this whole thing threw me. Clearly, the primary reason is that my mother had Stage 4 cancer. Not good. I was also highly frustrated with my parents, who were not handling the situation the way I would have. There were many, many delays in diagnosis and treatment, partially because they chose not to make a big stink when they needed to. In any normal situation, my parents tend to do the opposite of what my advice is. This is nothing new. I was frustrated because I had travelled that road already. Fairly recently, actually. And I knew alot about what they could be doing and what they should be doing to get things moving. I will never understand why they made the decisions they did. But my friend K reminded me that this is my mother's journey, not mine, and that I had to let her make her own decisions about her treatment and care. I will forever be grateful to K for her wise words.
Of course, the diagnosis had me having flashbacks to my own experience. It was strange to be reliving my own experience just hearing the word "cancer." It never really is over, I guess. There will always be those lingering "what if's" and fears. Watching someone you love go through this is sooooo much harder than I realized. I always knew it was difficult, and at times told my husband that I at least could "fight" it with chemo, etc. He was left to watch helplessly, hoping that things turn out ok. How horrible is that??? Now, we're all watching mom.
She has gone from being tethered to an oxygen tank 24/7 to, after 2 chemos and her latest CT scan, most of her tumors in her lungs vanishing! Chemo is no picnic, for sure. And she still has days where things are not great. But, she's had some really good days. Normal days (minus a bit of hair.) She recently celebrated her 60th birthday, with lots of friends and family here to party the night away. My parents have so many friends here that when I put together a dinner calendar, it was nearly full in 3 days!
I find myself clinging to the statistics her oncologist gave us for her cancer, even though I've always shunned them for myself. I am not a statistic, I am me. I will beat the odds. Her "odds" of remission are 80%. Those are some great stats! Better than mine ever were.
So, we're trying to keep on with life as normal as possible. My kids are yet again smack dab in the middle of a very serious health situation. I hate that they have to experience this again! With my parents living a mile away, my kids get to spend alot of time with them. When we told the kids about grandma, my daughter fell into a puddle of tears and was very scared. My son told her everything would be fine, just like it was for me. I can tell he's got some fears, though, behind that strong facade. I'm still trying to get him to voice them.
If you've found yourself at the end of this post, I have just one thought to leave you with. Life can be short. Very short. With each and every day you get, remember to JUST LIVE!
Friday, January 6
I want the old one back
So, I had a very strange thought in the shower this morning, and I'm not sure quite how I connected all this, so bear with me...
Oh, and I apologize in advance for the horrific image this post will leave in your head. :-)
Every morning after my shower, I have to use a squeegee (is that how you spell that??) to wipe down the glass enclosure. Believe me, if I didn't, there would be a huge disaster, and lots of elbow grease to correct the mistake! Last week, my husband put our squeegee through the dishwasher to clean it up. Nice thought, and well executed. Unfortunately, the dishwasher was a wee bit too hot for the thing, and it ended up not being able to perform it's duties afterward.
New squeegee in hand, I proceeded to wipe down the glass, and was frustrated by how poorly the new one performed. The old one was exactly the right width, and did a fantastic job of removing the water without leaving behind bits I had to go back and get again. The new one? Not so much. I started wishing for my old one back, just the way it was.
And then I had a thought.
That is exactly how I felt after my cancer treatments were done. I wanted the old me back, just the way it was. Old body (issues and all.) Old mindset (I'm young and don't have to think about death or illness for a while.) Old life.
I'm sure there are other traumas and tragedies in life that leave you feeling this way. Loss of a loved one or close friend. Child with a newly diagnosed health issue. Returning from a war. They all leave us feeling like we lost something we'd like back.
Now, 5 years out, I'm starting to believe my new life is better. I'm more tuned in to life. I'm much more appreciative of things. I see the scars all over my body and realize that I earned those babies! And while I'm not 100% proud of my body, I sure am more comfortable working with what I've got. I'm not longer ashamed of me.
Life is a journey. I'm still on mine. But now, I'm fully engaged in the moments that make up my life. I'm aware that I can change things, and I can accept things when I need to. I'm striving to live the life that makes me the most happy, and I'm not worrying about living a life that others think is appropriate.
Everyone has their own path. Be comfortable on yours. Seek out what makes you happy. Appreciate the joy you feel when you feel it. Share that joy with others, and encourage them to experience their own journey in their own way. What's good for you may not be for them, but that doesn't stop either of you from having a fulfilling life.
OK. I'm sure I've totally lost some of you with this post. I'm not so sure I totally understand my thoughts here, either. I know this: Life is amazing, and fully engaging in living it is even better!
Oh, and I apologize in advance for the horrific image this post will leave in your head. :-)
Every morning after my shower, I have to use a squeegee (is that how you spell that??) to wipe down the glass enclosure. Believe me, if I didn't, there would be a huge disaster, and lots of elbow grease to correct the mistake! Last week, my husband put our squeegee through the dishwasher to clean it up. Nice thought, and well executed. Unfortunately, the dishwasher was a wee bit too hot for the thing, and it ended up not being able to perform it's duties afterward.
New squeegee in hand, I proceeded to wipe down the glass, and was frustrated by how poorly the new one performed. The old one was exactly the right width, and did a fantastic job of removing the water without leaving behind bits I had to go back and get again. The new one? Not so much. I started wishing for my old one back, just the way it was.
And then I had a thought.
That is exactly how I felt after my cancer treatments were done. I wanted the old me back, just the way it was. Old body (issues and all.) Old mindset (I'm young and don't have to think about death or illness for a while.) Old life.
I'm sure there are other traumas and tragedies in life that leave you feeling this way. Loss of a loved one or close friend. Child with a newly diagnosed health issue. Returning from a war. They all leave us feeling like we lost something we'd like back.
Now, 5 years out, I'm starting to believe my new life is better. I'm more tuned in to life. I'm much more appreciative of things. I see the scars all over my body and realize that I earned those babies! And while I'm not 100% proud of my body, I sure am more comfortable working with what I've got. I'm not longer ashamed of me.
Life is a journey. I'm still on mine. But now, I'm fully engaged in the moments that make up my life. I'm aware that I can change things, and I can accept things when I need to. I'm striving to live the life that makes me the most happy, and I'm not worrying about living a life that others think is appropriate.
Everyone has their own path. Be comfortable on yours. Seek out what makes you happy. Appreciate the joy you feel when you feel it. Share that joy with others, and encourage them to experience their own journey in their own way. What's good for you may not be for them, but that doesn't stop either of you from having a fulfilling life.
OK. I'm sure I've totally lost some of you with this post. I'm not so sure I totally understand my thoughts here, either. I know this: Life is amazing, and fully engaging in living it is even better!
Wednesday, September 28
My leap of faith begins now
Have you ever had a friend encourage you to do something you've always thought about, but never really thought you could make a go of? I just had the most wonderful lunch with some old friends, and they have inspired me to give up writing in the dark.
I met them all through my children's childcare. As a non-profit, they had a board that I was privileged enough to be asked to join years ago. It was a wonderful experience for me. I felt like I was giving something back to my community, helping those that truly needed it, and making new friends along the way. To this day, they are people I greatly respect and admire, both professionally and personally. Every single one of them have huge hearts and have helped to create a stronger community.
Since we haven't seen each other in a few years, we all went around the table catching everyone up on what we were all up to. It was so great to hear what everyone is doing, and shocking to hear how old all our kids are! (BTW, that does not make any of us old. ;-)) I talked about how I'm going to be a guest on my friends' radio program next month (It's Not One Thing, It's Everything-- 89.9FM KRBX Boise), and how I didn't really know what I was going to talk about. And then I explained what I really want to inspire people to do. Get out there, and quit waiting to follow your dream!
Anyone that knows me knows that I could spend hours talking about all sorts of crazy stuff, but that would never be helpful to anyone! So, I thought I'd ask here if there was anything you guys would love to hear someone like me talk about? Keep in mind, this will be in Pinktober (October for you mainstream, non-initiated folks.) So, I'm sure there will be some information about breast cancer in there.
What I don't want to do is talk about awareness. My God, I think by now we're all aware of breast cancer! We know it exists, and that lots more women (and men) are being diagnosed than ever before. You can't walk down the aisle of any store next month without seeing pink plastered to every possible saleable opportunity. I'm probably going to spend more time talking about how to truly help someone with cancer. Or any illness for that matter. How you can make a difference and fund a cure.
But I'd also love to talk about whatever you want to hear about. Do you want to hear about signs/symptoms? How about statistics? Would you rather hear about my personal journey, or should I make it more impersonal? I want to make my time on air as informative and interesting as I can. If you have any thoughts, feel free to post a comment here, or send me a personal message at CancerMommy1{at}g m a i l {dot} c o m.
And a big huge thank you to my friends from Giraffe Laugh, who inspire me and push me to take a leap of faith now and then. :-)
I met them all through my children's childcare. As a non-profit, they had a board that I was privileged enough to be asked to join years ago. It was a wonderful experience for me. I felt like I was giving something back to my community, helping those that truly needed it, and making new friends along the way. To this day, they are people I greatly respect and admire, both professionally and personally. Every single one of them have huge hearts and have helped to create a stronger community.
Since we haven't seen each other in a few years, we all went around the table catching everyone up on what we were all up to. It was so great to hear what everyone is doing, and shocking to hear how old all our kids are! (BTW, that does not make any of us old. ;-)) I talked about how I'm going to be a guest on my friends' radio program next month (It's Not One Thing, It's Everything-- 89.9FM KRBX Boise), and how I didn't really know what I was going to talk about. And then I explained what I really want to inspire people to do. Get out there, and quit waiting to follow your dream!
Anyone that knows me knows that I could spend hours talking about all sorts of crazy stuff, but that would never be helpful to anyone! So, I thought I'd ask here if there was anything you guys would love to hear someone like me talk about? Keep in mind, this will be in Pinktober (October for you mainstream, non-initiated folks.) So, I'm sure there will be some information about breast cancer in there.
What I don't want to do is talk about awareness. My God, I think by now we're all aware of breast cancer! We know it exists, and that lots more women (and men) are being diagnosed than ever before. You can't walk down the aisle of any store next month without seeing pink plastered to every possible saleable opportunity. I'm probably going to spend more time talking about how to truly help someone with cancer. Or any illness for that matter. How you can make a difference and fund a cure.
But I'd also love to talk about whatever you want to hear about. Do you want to hear about signs/symptoms? How about statistics? Would you rather hear about my personal journey, or should I make it more impersonal? I want to make my time on air as informative and interesting as I can. If you have any thoughts, feel free to post a comment here, or send me a personal message at CancerMommy1{at}g m a i l {dot} c o m.
And a big huge thank you to my friends from Giraffe Laugh, who inspire me and push me to take a leap of faith now and then. :-)
Wednesday, September 21
Ouch! My achin' Chakras!
I don't know if I've blogged about this before, but I have been a bit addicted to yoga lately. A neighbor has been teaching yoga for over 20 years, and I finally started taking classes this summer. Now, I've taken yoga classes before. Lots of 'em. But about the 3rd class into it, I had an strange experience that really helped open me. I don't know if it's because I have alot of emotional stuff to get through or what, but I had a moment in all the zen of focusing on myself that just changed me.
Tears, lots and lots of tears. I felt like in all the pain of certain poses (since I'm not exactly a yogi, some poses are very difficult for me) I reached a place inside myself that was in just as much pain. It welled up and overfloweth me in that moment. I couldn't hold back, and ended up in child's pose in a loud puddle of tears and sobbing. Even though I didn't know most of my fellow practitioners well, I felt completely safe thanks to my neighbor. It was one of the most healing things I have experienced in my life.
It was clear in that moment that I have not moved beyond my cancer. Oh sure, I've been celebrating my 5 year mark, and living life without worrying about cancer these days. I was sure that I had successfully weathered the emotional storm of cancer and navigated my way through it unscathed. As that one moment taught me, impossible!
I have an immense appreciation for those of you who can easily clear toxic emotions. I have always been in the camp of "stuff it and it'll go away." Turns out emotions have a strange way of coming back up when you least expect it.
I've been working on this for months now. It has been a unique experience for me. Since I've had such a positive experience so far, I decided to take my instructor's Chakra class. It was a 2-day class, with information and explanation of Chakras on day 1, and an experiential component on day 2. I have had some experience with Chakras before, when I've had healing touch therapy. So, I was no stranger to any of that stuff. But participating in day 2's program has left me feeling... strange, confused, and lost.
The actual thing we did as a group is nothing that strange-- just some breathing in a particular way, focusing on the Chakras one at a time. I think it might be all the emotions that this method of breathing has brought to the surface that I'm a bit wigged out by. Maybe I just can't sort through them all right now. Maybe it just takes time. Or maybe it has something to do with my husband telling me all this yoga practice I've been involved in is a kind of religion. (I hate how his words end up circling around in my head when I don't agree with him!) The religion issue is a very long post for another time, but suffice it to say, I am not a religion fan personally. If it helps you and you feel a connection to some religion or group, I applaud you. I just don't. And I've spent my entire adult life trying to get my family and some friends to understand that. *sigh*
This morning in yoga class, I had a moment of pain (physically and emotionally.) I suppose it's something I will be feeling for a very long while. Or until I can sort through it all. But, from the way things feel today, there's an awful lot of stuff to sort.
I guess my point is this: do not ever feel that you should be "over" cancer, or any of the emotions associated with them. Every and all reactions are normal. Just don't let them simmer. Get them out, turn them over, check them out. That is truly the only way you're going to be able to release them once and for all.
Namaste
Tears, lots and lots of tears. I felt like in all the pain of certain poses (since I'm not exactly a yogi, some poses are very difficult for me) I reached a place inside myself that was in just as much pain. It welled up and overfloweth me in that moment. I couldn't hold back, and ended up in child's pose in a loud puddle of tears and sobbing. Even though I didn't know most of my fellow practitioners well, I felt completely safe thanks to my neighbor. It was one of the most healing things I have experienced in my life.
It was clear in that moment that I have not moved beyond my cancer. Oh sure, I've been celebrating my 5 year mark, and living life without worrying about cancer these days. I was sure that I had successfully weathered the emotional storm of cancer and navigated my way through it unscathed. As that one moment taught me, impossible!
I have an immense appreciation for those of you who can easily clear toxic emotions. I have always been in the camp of "stuff it and it'll go away." Turns out emotions have a strange way of coming back up when you least expect it.
I've been working on this for months now. It has been a unique experience for me. Since I've had such a positive experience so far, I decided to take my instructor's Chakra class. It was a 2-day class, with information and explanation of Chakras on day 1, and an experiential component on day 2. I have had some experience with Chakras before, when I've had healing touch therapy. So, I was no stranger to any of that stuff. But participating in day 2's program has left me feeling... strange, confused, and lost.
The actual thing we did as a group is nothing that strange-- just some breathing in a particular way, focusing on the Chakras one at a time. I think it might be all the emotions that this method of breathing has brought to the surface that I'm a bit wigged out by. Maybe I just can't sort through them all right now. Maybe it just takes time. Or maybe it has something to do with my husband telling me all this yoga practice I've been involved in is a kind of religion. (I hate how his words end up circling around in my head when I don't agree with him!) The religion issue is a very long post for another time, but suffice it to say, I am not a religion fan personally. If it helps you and you feel a connection to some religion or group, I applaud you. I just don't. And I've spent my entire adult life trying to get my family and some friends to understand that. *sigh*
This morning in yoga class, I had a moment of pain (physically and emotionally.) I suppose it's something I will be feeling for a very long while. Or until I can sort through it all. But, from the way things feel today, there's an awful lot of stuff to sort.
I guess my point is this: do not ever feel that you should be "over" cancer, or any of the emotions associated with them. Every and all reactions are normal. Just don't let them simmer. Get them out, turn them over, check them out. That is truly the only way you're going to be able to release them once and for all.
Namaste
Thursday, August 25
Lessons in parenthood
It's that time of year again, folks. School has begun around here, and that means alot of getting up early, going to bed earlier than we'd like, and your basic disruption of all that is fun. Boo!
My kids like school just fine. Unfortunately, their just like their Momma, in that they hate having to go somewhere like school (or work) when they'd rather be playing with friends and having no schedule at all.
Every year, along with the start of school and all that entails, there's one other thing that starts up this time of year. And I dread it every. single. year. PARENTING!!
I don't mean the normal "eat your veggies" or "it's your bedtime" type stuff. That's fairly easy parenting stuff for me. I'm talking about those times when it would be so much easier if I could just be their friend and give them one more chance. You know, one more chance after the hundreds of chances they've already been given, but most of the time didn't even know they'd received it? It would mean avoiding that hateful stare I get when they don't get their way. Avoiding the feeling that I've somehow disappointed them, and that they might never, ever forgive me.
Obviously, parenting occurs all year round. But once school starts, there's more structure, deadlines, and stress. And lots less time to play with friends and just be. So, at least around here, there seems to be an uptick in the number of times I have to keep my kids' feet to the fire (so to speak) once the school year begins.
Do you know why I always end up choosing to be the parent over being the friend? I remember that I truly care how well they turn out. I want them to be great people, and I want everyone they meet to think that they are, too.
When I was going through cancer treatments, there were many times that I just wanted to be their friend and do the fun stuff. I just didn't want them to remember me as the mean mom. I was afraid that I'd be dead before they could have very many good memories of their mom. It was a horrible place to be!
Now, 5 years out, I see the rewards of being their parent, even when I didn't want to. They're responsible for themselves (as much as a 10 and 7 year old can be.) They're respectful of others. They have their own ideas of how to get things done and how to treat people. And they surprise me with their insights into relationships. My kids are really great people!
Thinking about the bigger picture and seeing the results of that are endlessly rewarding. No one ever said that parenthood would be easy. But I don't think it's possible to express to others how much joy and happiness you receive in return.
My kids like school just fine. Unfortunately, their just like their Momma, in that they hate having to go somewhere like school (or work) when they'd rather be playing with friends and having no schedule at all.
Every year, along with the start of school and all that entails, there's one other thing that starts up this time of year. And I dread it every. single. year. PARENTING!!
I don't mean the normal "eat your veggies" or "it's your bedtime" type stuff. That's fairly easy parenting stuff for me. I'm talking about those times when it would be so much easier if I could just be their friend and give them one more chance. You know, one more chance after the hundreds of chances they've already been given, but most of the time didn't even know they'd received it? It would mean avoiding that hateful stare I get when they don't get their way. Avoiding the feeling that I've somehow disappointed them, and that they might never, ever forgive me.
Obviously, parenting occurs all year round. But once school starts, there's more structure, deadlines, and stress. And lots less time to play with friends and just be. So, at least around here, there seems to be an uptick in the number of times I have to keep my kids' feet to the fire (so to speak) once the school year begins.
Do you know why I always end up choosing to be the parent over being the friend? I remember that I truly care how well they turn out. I want them to be great people, and I want everyone they meet to think that they are, too.
When I was going through cancer treatments, there were many times that I just wanted to be their friend and do the fun stuff. I just didn't want them to remember me as the mean mom. I was afraid that I'd be dead before they could have very many good memories of their mom. It was a horrible place to be!
Now, 5 years out, I see the rewards of being their parent, even when I didn't want to. They're responsible for themselves (as much as a 10 and 7 year old can be.) They're respectful of others. They have their own ideas of how to get things done and how to treat people. And they surprise me with their insights into relationships. My kids are really great people!
Thinking about the bigger picture and seeing the results of that are endlessly rewarding. No one ever said that parenthood would be easy. But I don't think it's possible to express to others how much joy and happiness you receive in return.
Monday, August 22
Truth in job interviews: Yes? or Can it!
Looking for work sucks!
Looking for work after having taken a few (5) years off? Really sucks!
No matter what the reason you left the working world was, trying to get back in it after a while is not an easy task. People don't look kindly on those of us who "took time to be with our kids while they were young." Or whatever reason you give for your extended "vacation." My instinct is to just tell the truth, but my husband tells me cancer won't get me any pity in the work world. It'll just get my resume added to the round file. So, I do my best to put on a happy face and give the most vague reasons ever for why I've been out of the work world for so long. It sucks!
When I was in college, I chose a career field that was in healthcare. A no-brainer, everyone said. There will always be a need for healthcare workers. I even hear it today on all those stupid commercials for those for-profit colleges. I chose dental hygiene for it's flexibility, it's impact on individuals, and it's pay. For a very long time, I could get a job any time I wanted, and could be fairly picky on who I wanted to work for. Usually, I picked those dentists who acted as though they wanted to work "with" me and treated me as more of a partner in his/her practice.
Those were good times.
Nowadays, things couldn't be more different. There are hardly any positions open for my field, and those that are happen to be at places I would prefer not to set foot in. (For the most part, anyway.) It sucks!
I know my field isn't the only one with these problems. I know lots of you out there are struggling to find a job, too. And, damnit, this economy is not helping any of us one little bit! I feel your pain, friends.
What I really want to know is this: if any of you are cancer survivors, do you tell your possible bosses about your reason for taking time off? Do you tell the God's honest truth, that you didn't really want to quit, but your cancer and treatments gave you no choice? Or do you find the most vague reason you can think of for why you're back after all this time? And which way do you think would work best? I mean, eventually these people will find out, right? That is, if we end up with the job.
I'm just looking for some real-world experience here. I'd love to hear what you all have decided to do in this position, and why. And if it worked for you, that would be great to share as well.
For the rest of us still looking, don't let yourself give up! They say things are looking up, and I just really want to believe that. :-)
Looking for work after having taken a few (5) years off? Really sucks!
No matter what the reason you left the working world was, trying to get back in it after a while is not an easy task. People don't look kindly on those of us who "took time to be with our kids while they were young." Or whatever reason you give for your extended "vacation." My instinct is to just tell the truth, but my husband tells me cancer won't get me any pity in the work world. It'll just get my resume added to the round file. So, I do my best to put on a happy face and give the most vague reasons ever for why I've been out of the work world for so long. It sucks!
When I was in college, I chose a career field that was in healthcare. A no-brainer, everyone said. There will always be a need for healthcare workers. I even hear it today on all those stupid commercials for those for-profit colleges. I chose dental hygiene for it's flexibility, it's impact on individuals, and it's pay. For a very long time, I could get a job any time I wanted, and could be fairly picky on who I wanted to work for. Usually, I picked those dentists who acted as though they wanted to work "with" me and treated me as more of a partner in his/her practice.
Those were good times.
Nowadays, things couldn't be more different. There are hardly any positions open for my field, and those that are happen to be at places I would prefer not to set foot in. (For the most part, anyway.) It sucks!
I know my field isn't the only one with these problems. I know lots of you out there are struggling to find a job, too. And, damnit, this economy is not helping any of us one little bit! I feel your pain, friends.
What I really want to know is this: if any of you are cancer survivors, do you tell your possible bosses about your reason for taking time off? Do you tell the God's honest truth, that you didn't really want to quit, but your cancer and treatments gave you no choice? Or do you find the most vague reason you can think of for why you're back after all this time? And which way do you think would work best? I mean, eventually these people will find out, right? That is, if we end up with the job.
I'm just looking for some real-world experience here. I'd love to hear what you all have decided to do in this position, and why. And if it worked for you, that would be great to share as well.
For the rest of us still looking, don't let yourself give up! They say things are looking up, and I just really want to believe that. :-)
Thursday, June 2
It just brings it all back
Anyone else ever have flashbacks?
My daughter recently had pneumonia. We visited her doc, got her on antibiotics, and she got well.
Then End.
Except, not so much.
She was better, but after a few days of "being well" she started coughing again. And something about that cough just made my worry-center go into overdrive.
I'm not the type of Mommy who runs to the doctor at every little thing. In fact, I'm more like the Mommy who keeps telling her kids "You're fine!" all while wondering how much worse it will get before I break down and bring them in. Yep, report me to CPS.
After about a week of worrying about this child who never complains, I finally took her in to the urgent care. (It was the weekend, and of course I didn't want to wait 3 hours to see her regular doc, who may or may not be on call that weekend, and who most certainly is seeing a bunch of more sick kiddos than mine.) Because she'd already had pneumonia and a round of antibiotics, they wanted a chest x-ray to determine if there was residual infection or just irritation in the lungs. Bronchospasm, for you medical types.
Off we go, my little 7 year old's hand in mine, to the imaging room. Little did she know, I think I was more nervous to go there than her.
The sterility of that room is horrible. Necessary, but so unwelcoming.
The mass of the machines. The very clinical nature of it all.
I was having massive flashbacks to my first days of diagnosis, and all those tests! My heart was beating so hard I could swear my daughter could feel it through my hand. I could even feel a bit of perspiration coming on my brow. What was happening to me?
My poor daughter was hanging on to me for dear life. She was scared, never having experienced an x-ray like this before. The tech was doing her best to explain things in a way a 7 year old could understand, but was not quite hitting the mark.
Deep breaths. In. Out. Repeat. I had to be a calming presence for my little girl.
"Look at this camera! How weird would it be if Mommy had to carry that around to take pictures of you guys? And that lead skirt makes it hard to walk around, huh? This is just like getting your picture taken at home, except with this picture we get to see the inside of your chest. How cool is that?"
It went something like that. I think. I hope.
In any event, she calmed down and did a bang up job getting the x-rays done. And yep, sure enough, it showed residual infection in there. Bring on another round of antibiotics.
I'm nearly 5 years out from diagnosis, and I still find myself having mini-panic attacks whenever I am near a hospital or medical treatment room. The smells just bring it all back. I swear I can smell the chemo room every time I drive past the hospital in town, and my stomach does a flip.
But yeah, I'm nearly 5 years out. And I have gained some perspective on things. Thankfully, I've gained the ability to hide the fear so my little girl doesn't have to worry about me so much anymore. And that is worth more than most people will ever know.
Do you ever have flashbacks? What brings them on? How do you cope with them? Do you try and hide your fears from your kids, or do you talk about them? How do your kids handle your fears? I'd love to hear your thoughts, even if you've never had cancer. Everyone has fear.
My daughter recently had pneumonia. We visited her doc, got her on antibiotics, and she got well.
Then End.
Except, not so much.
She was better, but after a few days of "being well" she started coughing again. And something about that cough just made my worry-center go into overdrive.
I'm not the type of Mommy who runs to the doctor at every little thing. In fact, I'm more like the Mommy who keeps telling her kids "You're fine!" all while wondering how much worse it will get before I break down and bring them in. Yep, report me to CPS.
After about a week of worrying about this child who never complains, I finally took her in to the urgent care. (It was the weekend, and of course I didn't want to wait 3 hours to see her regular doc, who may or may not be on call that weekend, and who most certainly is seeing a bunch of more sick kiddos than mine.) Because she'd already had pneumonia and a round of antibiotics, they wanted a chest x-ray to determine if there was residual infection or just irritation in the lungs. Bronchospasm, for you medical types.
Off we go, my little 7 year old's hand in mine, to the imaging room. Little did she know, I think I was more nervous to go there than her.
The sterility of that room is horrible. Necessary, but so unwelcoming.
The mass of the machines. The very clinical nature of it all.
I was having massive flashbacks to my first days of diagnosis, and all those tests! My heart was beating so hard I could swear my daughter could feel it through my hand. I could even feel a bit of perspiration coming on my brow. What was happening to me?
My poor daughter was hanging on to me for dear life. She was scared, never having experienced an x-ray like this before. The tech was doing her best to explain things in a way a 7 year old could understand, but was not quite hitting the mark.
Deep breaths. In. Out. Repeat. I had to be a calming presence for my little girl.
"Look at this camera! How weird would it be if Mommy had to carry that around to take pictures of you guys? And that lead skirt makes it hard to walk around, huh? This is just like getting your picture taken at home, except with this picture we get to see the inside of your chest. How cool is that?"
It went something like that. I think. I hope.
In any event, she calmed down and did a bang up job getting the x-rays done. And yep, sure enough, it showed residual infection in there. Bring on another round of antibiotics.
I'm nearly 5 years out from diagnosis, and I still find myself having mini-panic attacks whenever I am near a hospital or medical treatment room. The smells just bring it all back. I swear I can smell the chemo room every time I drive past the hospital in town, and my stomach does a flip.
But yeah, I'm nearly 5 years out. And I have gained some perspective on things. Thankfully, I've gained the ability to hide the fear so my little girl doesn't have to worry about me so much anymore. And that is worth more than most people will ever know.
Do you ever have flashbacks? What brings them on? How do you cope with them? Do you try and hide your fears from your kids, or do you talk about them? How do your kids handle your fears? I'd love to hear your thoughts, even if you've never had cancer. Everyone has fear.
Wednesday, October 6
Pinkwashed
If only the power of one little color could change the world!
Before I had cancer, I knew about the pink ribbon and Breast Cancer Awareness month. I even purchased some things touting the pink ribbon, and never once looked to see if they were even donating money to a cause related to it.
But after cancer, every October is a dread. Or, as most of my cancer friends call it, Pinktober. Why is it a dread? Why am I not excited and happy to see so many people behind a movement to raise awareness for such a devastating disease?
Because I think by now we're all AWARE! All this pinkwashing has absolutely nothing to do with curing cancer, or finding a cause. It's a ploy to make everyone feel better, like they're able to do something to alleviate the devastation it causes in nearly everyone's life somehow. It gives people a purpose, and a channel for all that angst. But it doesn't do a damn thing about a cure!
The thing that really gets me is that now you can't get away from it, even if you wanted to. I mean, here I am, sitting on the couch on Sunday night, watching an NFL football game, and what do I have to look at the entire time? PINK! On the football players! I mean, give me a break, people! Is this really helping to find a cure? (I mean, thanks, New England Patriots' Laurence Maroney, but even you must realize wearing pink gloves on the field isn't helping anyone.)
And, to top it all off, my birthday falls in Pinktober. So, it turns out that I've been blessed to be diagnosed with the cancer de jour, and their chosen time to celebrate it is my birthday month.
I need to get away from all this. I need to be able to get rid of my anger. I need to be a part of something that's actually trying to find a cure, rather than making hoards of money off this thing and perpetuating the campaign.
Does anyone really believe that a cure/cause will ever be found now? There's so much money at stake, so many Races to run, so very many patients to treat. Why on Earth would anyone want to rock that boat?
Before I had cancer, I knew about the pink ribbon and Breast Cancer Awareness month. I even purchased some things touting the pink ribbon, and never once looked to see if they were even donating money to a cause related to it.
But after cancer, every October is a dread. Or, as most of my cancer friends call it, Pinktober. Why is it a dread? Why am I not excited and happy to see so many people behind a movement to raise awareness for such a devastating disease?
Because I think by now we're all AWARE! All this pinkwashing has absolutely nothing to do with curing cancer, or finding a cause. It's a ploy to make everyone feel better, like they're able to do something to alleviate the devastation it causes in nearly everyone's life somehow. It gives people a purpose, and a channel for all that angst. But it doesn't do a damn thing about a cure!
The thing that really gets me is that now you can't get away from it, even if you wanted to. I mean, here I am, sitting on the couch on Sunday night, watching an NFL football game, and what do I have to look at the entire time? PINK! On the football players! I mean, give me a break, people! Is this really helping to find a cure? (I mean, thanks, New England Patriots' Laurence Maroney, but even you must realize wearing pink gloves on the field isn't helping anyone.)
And, to top it all off, my birthday falls in Pinktober. So, it turns out that I've been blessed to be diagnosed with the cancer de jour, and their chosen time to celebrate it is my birthday month.
I need to get away from all this. I need to be able to get rid of my anger. I need to be a part of something that's actually trying to find a cure, rather than making hoards of money off this thing and perpetuating the campaign.
Does anyone really believe that a cure/cause will ever be found now? There's so much money at stake, so many Races to run, so very many patients to treat. Why on Earth would anyone want to rock that boat?
Friday, July 23
You are what you eat
John Robbins had a great post on HuffPost this morning, and I had to share it with you all. I don't know who he is, but he makes some great points about factory farming in America.
As some of you may know, I have a newfound fear of regular food found in America. Whenever possible, I make my own food (instead of buying processed), and buy the ingredients from a farmer's market (LOVE my downtown Boise market!) or from the organic section at the grocery store. (Yes, I'm aware that "organic" doesn't necessarily mean healthy, but it's better than eating all the chemicals sprayed on foods these days.) I also try my darndest to buy grass-fed beef and organic, free-range chickens. The reason? All the antibiotics they feed these animals to counteract the deplorable conditions they are forced to live in and die in. Have you seen Food, Inc?
This is the part of the post that really makes my skin crawl:
"According to the Union of Concerned Scientists, only about 30 percent of the antibiotics used in the U.S. are administered to people to treat diseases. The other 70 percent, the vast majority, are administered to U.S. livestock, primarily to compensate for the unnatural and unhealthy conditions of factory farming."
The overuse of antibiotics has led to resistant bacteria, which actually kills "between 70,000 and 100,000 Americans" each year, according to Mr. Robbins. These poor souls might have been saved with readily available antibiotics before the new resistant strains had been created.
It just doesn't seem like the prudent thing to do to myself or my kids, constantly ingesting toxic chemicals and antibiotics we don't even need. It's not just bad for the animals and the land, it's truly bad for our bodies and our health! I sure wish more people felt this way. We could have ourselves a food revolution!
As for now, I will continue to shop the local farmer's markets and (gasp!) the local health food stores (where, before cancer, I thought only hippies and weirdos shopped.) It's too bad I had to get a devastating disease to make me realize how unhealthy I truly was.
As some of you may know, I have a newfound fear of regular food found in America. Whenever possible, I make my own food (instead of buying processed), and buy the ingredients from a farmer's market (LOVE my downtown Boise market!) or from the organic section at the grocery store. (Yes, I'm aware that "organic" doesn't necessarily mean healthy, but it's better than eating all the chemicals sprayed on foods these days.) I also try my darndest to buy grass-fed beef and organic, free-range chickens. The reason? All the antibiotics they feed these animals to counteract the deplorable conditions they are forced to live in and die in. Have you seen Food, Inc?
This is the part of the post that really makes my skin crawl:
"According to the Union of Concerned Scientists, only about 30 percent of the antibiotics used in the U.S. are administered to people to treat diseases. The other 70 percent, the vast majority, are administered to U.S. livestock, primarily to compensate for the unnatural and unhealthy conditions of factory farming."
The overuse of antibiotics has led to resistant bacteria, which actually kills "between 70,000 and 100,000 Americans" each year, according to Mr. Robbins. These poor souls might have been saved with readily available antibiotics before the new resistant strains had been created.
It just doesn't seem like the prudent thing to do to myself or my kids, constantly ingesting toxic chemicals and antibiotics we don't even need. It's not just bad for the animals and the land, it's truly bad for our bodies and our health! I sure wish more people felt this way. We could have ourselves a food revolution!
As for now, I will continue to shop the local farmer's markets and (gasp!) the local health food stores (where, before cancer, I thought only hippies and weirdos shopped.) It's too bad I had to get a devastating disease to make me realize how unhealthy I truly was.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)