It seems my year hasn't been going according to plan.
It used to be that would derail me for months, and leave me wondering how I could get it back on track. Not anymore!
Life is never "on track." It may seem that way at times. But it is a meandering path we follow in life, not a straight one. And that is what makes the journey worthwhile.
My Mom is doing amazing! She finished all her chemo treatments, and has been steadily gaining her energy back. Her tests are telling her she's in the clear, and for that we are all thankful!
My pay-it-forward plan has been put on the back burner for no good reason. I've been preoccupied with my Mom's health, and with all the things life has brought to me. That shouldn't have precluded me from continuing on my goal, but it did. Truth.
Our little family has a huge trip set for next summer, and we've all been dreaming, plotting and planning for it for quite some time. And now it's official: the Reynolds family is going around the world!! My husband figured out an elaborate air miles plan with credit cards, and we've been gathering points for years. Last night, he booked the final leg of our journey. Today, we visit the local passport office to get the kids their passports. It's all really going to happen! It's a bit daunting, but amazing to see our hard work paying off and making our dream a reality. You can follow our journey on our blog, www.kidsmeetworld.com.
Thanks to everyone who's been there for us this year. Gratitude makes you humble. It can also open your eyes to new possibilities and new paths in life.
Friday, August 24
Tuesday, May 8
Cancer's a bitch, no matter what she's wearing
God! Every time I try and get into a routine posting, something happens to throw a wrench into my plans!
I have been trying to decide how best to write about what's been happening around here. I haven't really figured out the best way to do it yet. :-) So, I'll just treat this as I do most other things in my life. Be blunt. Be real. Speak truth.
In March of this year, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 lymphoma. She was fine one day, and couldn't breathe the next. There were a few very scary moments where I thought we would lose her for sure. (Let's just say, spending the night in the ER watching my mother unable to breathe is not the funnest experience.)
There are many reasons this whole thing threw me. Clearly, the primary reason is that my mother had Stage 4 cancer. Not good. I was also highly frustrated with my parents, who were not handling the situation the way I would have. There were many, many delays in diagnosis and treatment, partially because they chose not to make a big stink when they needed to. In any normal situation, my parents tend to do the opposite of what my advice is. This is nothing new. I was frustrated because I had travelled that road already. Fairly recently, actually. And I knew alot about what they could be doing and what they should be doing to get things moving. I will never understand why they made the decisions they did. But my friend K reminded me that this is my mother's journey, not mine, and that I had to let her make her own decisions about her treatment and care. I will forever be grateful to K for her wise words.
Of course, the diagnosis had me having flashbacks to my own experience. It was strange to be reliving my own experience just hearing the word "cancer." It never really is over, I guess. There will always be those lingering "what if's" and fears. Watching someone you love go through this is sooooo much harder than I realized. I always knew it was difficult, and at times told my husband that I at least could "fight" it with chemo, etc. He was left to watch helplessly, hoping that things turn out ok. How horrible is that??? Now, we're all watching mom.
She has gone from being tethered to an oxygen tank 24/7 to, after 2 chemos and her latest CT scan, most of her tumors in her lungs vanishing! Chemo is no picnic, for sure. And she still has days where things are not great. But, she's had some really good days. Normal days (minus a bit of hair.) She recently celebrated her 60th birthday, with lots of friends and family here to party the night away. My parents have so many friends here that when I put together a dinner calendar, it was nearly full in 3 days!
I find myself clinging to the statistics her oncologist gave us for her cancer, even though I've always shunned them for myself. I am not a statistic, I am me. I will beat the odds. Her "odds" of remission are 80%. Those are some great stats! Better than mine ever were.
So, we're trying to keep on with life as normal as possible. My kids are yet again smack dab in the middle of a very serious health situation. I hate that they have to experience this again! With my parents living a mile away, my kids get to spend alot of time with them. When we told the kids about grandma, my daughter fell into a puddle of tears and was very scared. My son told her everything would be fine, just like it was for me. I can tell he's got some fears, though, behind that strong facade. I'm still trying to get him to voice them.
If you've found yourself at the end of this post, I have just one thought to leave you with. Life can be short. Very short. With each and every day you get, remember to JUST LIVE!
I have been trying to decide how best to write about what's been happening around here. I haven't really figured out the best way to do it yet. :-) So, I'll just treat this as I do most other things in my life. Be blunt. Be real. Speak truth.
In March of this year, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 lymphoma. She was fine one day, and couldn't breathe the next. There were a few very scary moments where I thought we would lose her for sure. (Let's just say, spending the night in the ER watching my mother unable to breathe is not the funnest experience.)
There are many reasons this whole thing threw me. Clearly, the primary reason is that my mother had Stage 4 cancer. Not good. I was also highly frustrated with my parents, who were not handling the situation the way I would have. There were many, many delays in diagnosis and treatment, partially because they chose not to make a big stink when they needed to. In any normal situation, my parents tend to do the opposite of what my advice is. This is nothing new. I was frustrated because I had travelled that road already. Fairly recently, actually. And I knew alot about what they could be doing and what they should be doing to get things moving. I will never understand why they made the decisions they did. But my friend K reminded me that this is my mother's journey, not mine, and that I had to let her make her own decisions about her treatment and care. I will forever be grateful to K for her wise words.
Of course, the diagnosis had me having flashbacks to my own experience. It was strange to be reliving my own experience just hearing the word "cancer." It never really is over, I guess. There will always be those lingering "what if's" and fears. Watching someone you love go through this is sooooo much harder than I realized. I always knew it was difficult, and at times told my husband that I at least could "fight" it with chemo, etc. He was left to watch helplessly, hoping that things turn out ok. How horrible is that??? Now, we're all watching mom.
She has gone from being tethered to an oxygen tank 24/7 to, after 2 chemos and her latest CT scan, most of her tumors in her lungs vanishing! Chemo is no picnic, for sure. And she still has days where things are not great. But, she's had some really good days. Normal days (minus a bit of hair.) She recently celebrated her 60th birthday, with lots of friends and family here to party the night away. My parents have so many friends here that when I put together a dinner calendar, it was nearly full in 3 days!
I find myself clinging to the statistics her oncologist gave us for her cancer, even though I've always shunned them for myself. I am not a statistic, I am me. I will beat the odds. Her "odds" of remission are 80%. Those are some great stats! Better than mine ever were.
So, we're trying to keep on with life as normal as possible. My kids are yet again smack dab in the middle of a very serious health situation. I hate that they have to experience this again! With my parents living a mile away, my kids get to spend alot of time with them. When we told the kids about grandma, my daughter fell into a puddle of tears and was very scared. My son told her everything would be fine, just like it was for me. I can tell he's got some fears, though, behind that strong facade. I'm still trying to get him to voice them.
If you've found yourself at the end of this post, I have just one thought to leave you with. Life can be short. Very short. With each and every day you get, remember to JUST LIVE!
Tuesday, March 6
Playing catch-up
March 6th. Tuesday. Super Tuesday for some of you. Sick kid at home all day. Not too sick, though, as he is currently crying about how mean I am for making him lay down in bed and try and take a nap.
I'm a little off on posting lately, so I need to catch you up.
My February "pay it forward" moment was taking my parents out for lunch. Technically, my dad slipped me a $20 under the table, so I suppose one could argue I didn't really take them out. (The bill was for more than $20, so I did pay for some of it.) But, in my family, dads letting their kids pay for any amount of the meal is a big deal. Arguments usually ensue, and it all is quite comical. This time, notsomuch. What did you get to do for February "pay it forward?"
Last week I was in the Starbucks drive thru, ordering a coffee and planning to use a gift card my husband received. As I drive up to the window, the SB gal says, "The woman ahead of you paid for your coffee today." She will never know how much that small gesture meant to me that day. I had received some bad news about a family member, and was so touched that someone else was spreading good cheer through small gestures, just like I had. So, this "pay it forward" idea isn't a new one, but it is becoming more popular, for sure.
Life has been hectic. Both kids in basketball, volunteering at school and for the school levy campaign, and various family issues that have come up recently. I'm sure I'm no different than most of you. Crazy times, for sure.
Right now, I'm listening to a gaggle of girls from our street playing in my backyard. They are loud, wild, and having such a good time. Who knew our swingset would still be getting so much use??
Crazy windy here. Snow overnight, sunny this afternoon, and 60's yesterday and tomorrow. Welcome to Idaho in the Spring. Since my husband has a dinner meeting, I was planning to take the kids out. We'll see what dinner-time brings as far as the sick kid goes. Maybe cereal or pancakes for dinner?
I'm a little off on posting lately, so I need to catch you up.
My February "pay it forward" moment was taking my parents out for lunch. Technically, my dad slipped me a $20 under the table, so I suppose one could argue I didn't really take them out. (The bill was for more than $20, so I did pay for some of it.) But, in my family, dads letting their kids pay for any amount of the meal is a big deal. Arguments usually ensue, and it all is quite comical. This time, notsomuch. What did you get to do for February "pay it forward?"
Last week I was in the Starbucks drive thru, ordering a coffee and planning to use a gift card my husband received. As I drive up to the window, the SB gal says, "The woman ahead of you paid for your coffee today." She will never know how much that small gesture meant to me that day. I had received some bad news about a family member, and was so touched that someone else was spreading good cheer through small gestures, just like I had. So, this "pay it forward" idea isn't a new one, but it is becoming more popular, for sure.
Life has been hectic. Both kids in basketball, volunteering at school and for the school levy campaign, and various family issues that have come up recently. I'm sure I'm no different than most of you. Crazy times, for sure.
Right now, I'm listening to a gaggle of girls from our street playing in my backyard. They are loud, wild, and having such a good time. Who knew our swingset would still be getting so much use??
Crazy windy here. Snow overnight, sunny this afternoon, and 60's yesterday and tomorrow. Welcome to Idaho in the Spring. Since my husband has a dinner meeting, I was planning to take the kids out. We'll see what dinner-time brings as far as the sick kid goes. Maybe cereal or pancakes for dinner?
Thursday, February 2
Komen for the profits
Whew! This Komen for the Cure thing is a true mess, isn't it? I am sad to see such a well-respected, far-reaching organization be so tone deaf in making their decision to cut off funding to Planned Parenthood organizations all over the country. The worst part to me is the utter lack of understanding on their part of how this move would be seen by the thousands and thousands of Komen supporters. Maybe they should hire my husband's company to help them with their PR problem. :-)
Thanks to a friend via Twitter (@jessflynn), here is the Komen response, long overdue:
In my opinion, this video does nothing to ease the concerns of their critics. It never addresses the politics behind the decision. It is a poor example of what to do in the aftermath of completely screwing up the narrative.
Years ago, I stopped supporting Komen. It had nothing to do with abortion, or really anything political. I just felt that the pink-washing was over the top, did nothing but make Komen money, and I didn't feel like we were getting anywhere closer to a cure. My basic feeling is that when any non-profit with a mission of ridding the world of breast cancer, say, gets that large and profitable for so many companies, it will no longer be able to justify completing the mission.
Think about it. If Komen did find a cure for BC, where does that leave them? There would be no need for their organization anymore. All those dollars, all those partnerships that make all those dollars for other companies, all gone. Do you really think in the world we live in today that corporations would allow that to happen?
I am cynical. I admit it. Sometimes I wish I could live back in the "matrix" and not worry about all this nonsense. But I can't. It's nice to see that more people have become aware of the frailties of do-good organizations like Komen.
The people I feel bad for are my friends who work so very hard within the Komen corporation. They are there for honorable reasons, and do have the mission of Komen at the forefront of their everyday work. Please, friends, don't take the criticism personally. We still want to support the vision of ridding the world of breast cancer. Some of us just can't support Komen anymore.
So, now that you know how I feel about it all, how do you feel about this mess? Are you still a Komen supporter? Do you feel they are fulfilling their mission still? Does their Planned Parenthood decision make a difference to you?
More than anything, I would love to see a cure for breast cancer in my lifetime. I stand whole-heartedly behind that mission. As in previous posts, there are plenty of other organizations that could use your dollars and support. Give where you feel comfortable.
Thanks to a friend via Twitter (@jessflynn), here is the Komen response, long overdue:
In my opinion, this video does nothing to ease the concerns of their critics. It never addresses the politics behind the decision. It is a poor example of what to do in the aftermath of completely screwing up the narrative.
Years ago, I stopped supporting Komen. It had nothing to do with abortion, or really anything political. I just felt that the pink-washing was over the top, did nothing but make Komen money, and I didn't feel like we were getting anywhere closer to a cure. My basic feeling is that when any non-profit with a mission of ridding the world of breast cancer, say, gets that large and profitable for so many companies, it will no longer be able to justify completing the mission.
Think about it. If Komen did find a cure for BC, where does that leave them? There would be no need for their organization anymore. All those dollars, all those partnerships that make all those dollars for other companies, all gone. Do you really think in the world we live in today that corporations would allow that to happen?
I am cynical. I admit it. Sometimes I wish I could live back in the "matrix" and not worry about all this nonsense. But I can't. It's nice to see that more people have become aware of the frailties of do-good organizations like Komen.
The people I feel bad for are my friends who work so very hard within the Komen corporation. They are there for honorable reasons, and do have the mission of Komen at the forefront of their everyday work. Please, friends, don't take the criticism personally. We still want to support the vision of ridding the world of breast cancer. Some of us just can't support Komen anymore.
So, now that you know how I feel about it all, how do you feel about this mess? Are you still a Komen supporter? Do you feel they are fulfilling their mission still? Does their Planned Parenthood decision make a difference to you?
More than anything, I would love to see a cure for breast cancer in my lifetime. I stand whole-heartedly behind that mission. As in previous posts, there are plenty of other organizations that could use your dollars and support. Give where you feel comfortable.
Saturday, January 28
Our exciting Saturday
It's Saturday. Our one day to sleep in. Our daughter had a basketball game, which we attended and cheered at. Our son is playing with his friend, who's been on vacation all week. We've taken the dog for a walk, and had lunch. We now have the house to ourselves. And what are we doing?
Sitting in front of our computers, bored out of our minds!
My God, we are such an old married couple!
Sitting in front of our computers, bored out of our minds!
My God, we are such an old married couple!
Thursday, January 26
Good Deed challenge?
It's almost February already! Has anyone started the year-long "good deed" challenge? I'm not sure what to call it. Pay it forward? Help me out, here.
I'm starting to ponder what my February deed will be. I'm interested in hearing what you all have or plan on doing. Would you please share your thoughts in the comments? If nothing else, it will certainly help everyone else get some good ideas for the months to come.
I just love making some stranger's day a little bit brighter with a surprise.
I'm starting to ponder what my February deed will be. I'm interested in hearing what you all have or plan on doing. Would you please share your thoughts in the comments? If nothing else, it will certainly help everyone else get some good ideas for the months to come.
I just love making some stranger's day a little bit brighter with a surprise.
Monday, January 23
Living life out of the zone
Yesterday was an amazing day. Around here, we typically spend our Sundays skiing the local hill, paying homage to the beauty that surrounds us. And yes, we pick Sundays so we can get on the hill before the church crowd can get out of services. :-)
My family loves to get outside, no matter what time of year. Of course, I prefer the warm, sunny, sandy beaches the most, but it ain't happening where I live. (For those that don't know, I live in a landlocked state. I'm still not quite sure how that happened.) A few years ago, my husband learned how to snowboard. I was supposed to learn that year with him, but instead was spending my time hooked up to iv's and trying not to puke.
About 3 years ago, the kids and I learned how to ski. I had previously taken lessons and tried to learn boarding, but since I'm not one to risk life and limb, I decided that wasn't my sport. Hubby says I was *thisclose* but... whatever. I still wanted to be able to do something together as a family, however, so I took up skiing. Hey, if an 80 year old can learn to ski, I should be able to. Right? Let's just say, my kids can smoke me on the mountain.
I'm happy to report that after 3 seasons, I have made it to the point where I can go down a normal hill and not feel like I'm about to die. I mean, do any of you realize how steep some of those runs look to a newbie? Yikes! I took the quad lift up, which is the easiest to get off, thank you very much. I made my turns with a bunch of snowplows thrown in for good measure. And I did it 3 more times. Without killing myself. Or falling on my face. (Well, I did fall on my face. But that was so 2 runs ago! Yeesh!)
I'm so very thankful to my cousin, who is pretty much a pro snowboarder. He did give me some advice, but the reason I'm so thankful is that he didn't laugh when I lost a ski in a fall. He didn't mock me when I must have looked like an idiot all scrunched over trying not to bite it. He even stayed with us all when I was the one holding us back. Technically, he's my cousin by marriage. But in my heart, he's family, and I want to publicly thank my "real" cousin for marrying him. :-)
I don't quite know what the point of this post is. I guess it's a reminder that you're never too old to learn new things. Learning to ski was something completely out of my comfort zone. But these days, my zone is expanded. I've discovered there's really no harm in trying something new. If it sticks, great. If it doesn't work out, I haven't lost anything. Even the time spent doing it has not been a waste, as I always learn something from it. I love the feeling of living. And that means taking risks. Measured, thoughtful risks, but risks nonetheless.
What have you done outside your zone? Let me know in the comments. I love hearing about other people's victories.
My family loves to get outside, no matter what time of year. Of course, I prefer the warm, sunny, sandy beaches the most, but it ain't happening where I live. (For those that don't know, I live in a landlocked state. I'm still not quite sure how that happened.) A few years ago, my husband learned how to snowboard. I was supposed to learn that year with him, but instead was spending my time hooked up to iv's and trying not to puke.
About 3 years ago, the kids and I learned how to ski. I had previously taken lessons and tried to learn boarding, but since I'm not one to risk life and limb, I decided that wasn't my sport. Hubby says I was *thisclose* but... whatever. I still wanted to be able to do something together as a family, however, so I took up skiing. Hey, if an 80 year old can learn to ski, I should be able to. Right? Let's just say, my kids can smoke me on the mountain.
I'm happy to report that after 3 seasons, I have made it to the point where I can go down a normal hill and not feel like I'm about to die. I mean, do any of you realize how steep some of those runs look to a newbie? Yikes! I took the quad lift up, which is the easiest to get off, thank you very much. I made my turns with a bunch of snowplows thrown in for good measure. And I did it 3 more times. Without killing myself. Or falling on my face. (Well, I did fall on my face. But that was so 2 runs ago! Yeesh!)
I'm so very thankful to my cousin, who is pretty much a pro snowboarder. He did give me some advice, but the reason I'm so thankful is that he didn't laugh when I lost a ski in a fall. He didn't mock me when I must have looked like an idiot all scrunched over trying not to bite it. He even stayed with us all when I was the one holding us back. Technically, he's my cousin by marriage. But in my heart, he's family, and I want to publicly thank my "real" cousin for marrying him. :-)
I don't quite know what the point of this post is. I guess it's a reminder that you're never too old to learn new things. Learning to ski was something completely out of my comfort zone. But these days, my zone is expanded. I've discovered there's really no harm in trying something new. If it sticks, great. If it doesn't work out, I haven't lost anything. Even the time spent doing it has not been a waste, as I always learn something from it. I love the feeling of living. And that means taking risks. Measured, thoughtful risks, but risks nonetheless.
What have you done outside your zone? Let me know in the comments. I love hearing about other people's victories.
Tuesday, January 10
The truth can be ugly, and today I had a moment
I'm about to tell you an ugly truth about myself...
Sometimes I get overly snarky and forget that teasing can be hurtful to others. I forget that in the written word, sometimes the tone can get lost and misinterpreted. Sometimes I just plain make the wrong decision.
Today was one of those days. I am not proud of this. But, I want to be honest with myself and the universe and admit that I was wrong.
There's a right way and a wrong way to say just about everything. And then there are times when saying nothing is the best choice of all. "If you can't say anything nice..." isn't that how the saying goes? Perhaps the prudent thing to do at this point is to say nothing at all for a while. Social media can be a cruel mistress. Or something like that.
Tomorrow is a new day, though, and I resolve to be back to my old self by then. I also resolve to stay the hell off of Facebook for a while. Clearly I cannot be trusted in my current frame of mind. I will, however, spend some extra time on the mat. It never fails to make me right again.
Sometimes I get overly snarky and forget that teasing can be hurtful to others. I forget that in the written word, sometimes the tone can get lost and misinterpreted. Sometimes I just plain make the wrong decision.
Today was one of those days. I am not proud of this. But, I want to be honest with myself and the universe and admit that I was wrong.
There's a right way and a wrong way to say just about everything. And then there are times when saying nothing is the best choice of all. "If you can't say anything nice..." isn't that how the saying goes? Perhaps the prudent thing to do at this point is to say nothing at all for a while. Social media can be a cruel mistress. Or something like that.
Tomorrow is a new day, though, and I resolve to be back to my old self by then. I also resolve to stay the hell off of Facebook for a while. Clearly I cannot be trusted in my current frame of mind. I will, however, spend some extra time on the mat. It never fails to make me right again.
Friday, January 6
I want the old one back
So, I had a very strange thought in the shower this morning, and I'm not sure quite how I connected all this, so bear with me...
Oh, and I apologize in advance for the horrific image this post will leave in your head. :-)
Every morning after my shower, I have to use a squeegee (is that how you spell that??) to wipe down the glass enclosure. Believe me, if I didn't, there would be a huge disaster, and lots of elbow grease to correct the mistake! Last week, my husband put our squeegee through the dishwasher to clean it up. Nice thought, and well executed. Unfortunately, the dishwasher was a wee bit too hot for the thing, and it ended up not being able to perform it's duties afterward.
New squeegee in hand, I proceeded to wipe down the glass, and was frustrated by how poorly the new one performed. The old one was exactly the right width, and did a fantastic job of removing the water without leaving behind bits I had to go back and get again. The new one? Not so much. I started wishing for my old one back, just the way it was.
And then I had a thought.
That is exactly how I felt after my cancer treatments were done. I wanted the old me back, just the way it was. Old body (issues and all.) Old mindset (I'm young and don't have to think about death or illness for a while.) Old life.
I'm sure there are other traumas and tragedies in life that leave you feeling this way. Loss of a loved one or close friend. Child with a newly diagnosed health issue. Returning from a war. They all leave us feeling like we lost something we'd like back.
Now, 5 years out, I'm starting to believe my new life is better. I'm more tuned in to life. I'm much more appreciative of things. I see the scars all over my body and realize that I earned those babies! And while I'm not 100% proud of my body, I sure am more comfortable working with what I've got. I'm not longer ashamed of me.
Life is a journey. I'm still on mine. But now, I'm fully engaged in the moments that make up my life. I'm aware that I can change things, and I can accept things when I need to. I'm striving to live the life that makes me the most happy, and I'm not worrying about living a life that others think is appropriate.
Everyone has their own path. Be comfortable on yours. Seek out what makes you happy. Appreciate the joy you feel when you feel it. Share that joy with others, and encourage them to experience their own journey in their own way. What's good for you may not be for them, but that doesn't stop either of you from having a fulfilling life.
OK. I'm sure I've totally lost some of you with this post. I'm not so sure I totally understand my thoughts here, either. I know this: Life is amazing, and fully engaging in living it is even better!
Oh, and I apologize in advance for the horrific image this post will leave in your head. :-)
Every morning after my shower, I have to use a squeegee (is that how you spell that??) to wipe down the glass enclosure. Believe me, if I didn't, there would be a huge disaster, and lots of elbow grease to correct the mistake! Last week, my husband put our squeegee through the dishwasher to clean it up. Nice thought, and well executed. Unfortunately, the dishwasher was a wee bit too hot for the thing, and it ended up not being able to perform it's duties afterward.
New squeegee in hand, I proceeded to wipe down the glass, and was frustrated by how poorly the new one performed. The old one was exactly the right width, and did a fantastic job of removing the water without leaving behind bits I had to go back and get again. The new one? Not so much. I started wishing for my old one back, just the way it was.
And then I had a thought.
That is exactly how I felt after my cancer treatments were done. I wanted the old me back, just the way it was. Old body (issues and all.) Old mindset (I'm young and don't have to think about death or illness for a while.) Old life.
I'm sure there are other traumas and tragedies in life that leave you feeling this way. Loss of a loved one or close friend. Child with a newly diagnosed health issue. Returning from a war. They all leave us feeling like we lost something we'd like back.
Now, 5 years out, I'm starting to believe my new life is better. I'm more tuned in to life. I'm much more appreciative of things. I see the scars all over my body and realize that I earned those babies! And while I'm not 100% proud of my body, I sure am more comfortable working with what I've got. I'm not longer ashamed of me.
Life is a journey. I'm still on mine. But now, I'm fully engaged in the moments that make up my life. I'm aware that I can change things, and I can accept things when I need to. I'm striving to live the life that makes me the most happy, and I'm not worrying about living a life that others think is appropriate.
Everyone has their own path. Be comfortable on yours. Seek out what makes you happy. Appreciate the joy you feel when you feel it. Share that joy with others, and encourage them to experience their own journey in their own way. What's good for you may not be for them, but that doesn't stop either of you from having a fulfilling life.
OK. I'm sure I've totally lost some of you with this post. I'm not so sure I totally understand my thoughts here, either. I know this: Life is amazing, and fully engaging in living it is even better!
Thursday, January 5
Off to a great start!
Remember when I told you I was going to do something nice every month in 2012? (It was so long ago... like 2 posts ago or something. :-)) Well, yesterday was the first time I had the opportunity to do something.
I was in Starbucks drive-thru, getting a coffee much later than I needed one. (Hello, 11am!) The young lady behind me was driving a bright yellow mustang, or something like that. She looked really young! Anyhoo, the Sbux gal and I were chatting while my coffee was being made, and she told me the girl behind me ordered a 16 oz peppermint mocha with 1/2 a shot of espresso. 1/2 a shot?! What kind of person orders a 1/2 shot? In that moment, I pulled out my wallet and paid for her drink.
I'm not sure if she cared at all that she just got a free drink, but that's not why I did it. She didn't wave. She didn't have a funny look on her face. She just drove off with her free drink and was on her way. And ya know what? I didn't care. Maybe someday she'll pay it forward, but that's not important.
It just feels good to do nice things. That's all. Try it, and see how you feel. Knowing you're a good person doing nice things changes you. You worry less about what other people think of you, and concentrate more on what you think of you. That's what's really important. You, being proud of who you are.
So, have you ever done this before? What other things have you done to pay it forward and make someone's day? I'd love to hear more ideas! Besides, I have a whole 12 months to fill. I need your help!
I was in Starbucks drive-thru, getting a coffee much later than I needed one. (Hello, 11am!) The young lady behind me was driving a bright yellow mustang, or something like that. She looked really young! Anyhoo, the Sbux gal and I were chatting while my coffee was being made, and she told me the girl behind me ordered a 16 oz peppermint mocha with 1/2 a shot of espresso. 1/2 a shot?! What kind of person orders a 1/2 shot? In that moment, I pulled out my wallet and paid for her drink.
I'm not sure if she cared at all that she just got a free drink, but that's not why I did it. She didn't wave. She didn't have a funny look on her face. She just drove off with her free drink and was on her way. And ya know what? I didn't care. Maybe someday she'll pay it forward, but that's not important.
It just feels good to do nice things. That's all. Try it, and see how you feel. Knowing you're a good person doing nice things changes you. You worry less about what other people think of you, and concentrate more on what you think of you. That's what's really important. You, being proud of who you are.
So, have you ever done this before? What other things have you done to pay it forward and make someone's day? I'd love to hear more ideas! Besides, I have a whole 12 months to fill. I need your help!
Thursday, December 29
Yes, Virginia, Oprah was right
It's almost 2012. I cannot even begin to tell you how amazed I am that it's already almost 2012. Yikes!
Instead of the usual New Year's resolution nonsense, I think we should start a new tradition: a New Year's gratitude-tion. Or something like that. (Help me come up with a catchy name, folks!)
Oprah Winfrey used to have a regular topic of discussion somehow related to gratitude. I remember wondering why Oprah had the nerve to tell people to journal things they were grateful for. I mean, really, she had everything. Or so it seemed. Rubbing it in seemed rude. Years later, after some thought, I decided that she may have seemed to have it all, but did she? She's really the only one that knows. But, given the few things that have been reported about her past, maybe she had something there. Ya know? If regularly remembering the things she was grateful for helped her, who was I to judge?
Now that Oprah's off the air, I'm sure her gratitude journal idea will wither away along with her "favorite things" shows. (Damn it! Why couldn't I have been an audience member just once?!) And while I don't know if following all of Oprah's advice would be wise, her gratitude idea has merit. Lots of merit. And I think it's high time more people took the time to appreciate what we already have. Preferably on a daily basis, but at least once a year. No time like the present, right?
I thought I'd give you all some ideas to get you started. You may or may not agree with me on the actual things I'm grateful for, but this hopefully will spark some thoughts on what you're grateful for in your own life.
My Gratitude List 2011
I am grateful for:
So, in the immortal words of Oprah, is this your AHA moment? Are you ready to embrace all that you're grateful for? I promise, it will do you good. It will make you feel more peaceful, more joyful, and more aware. And isn't that what it's all about anyway?
Instead of the usual New Year's resolution nonsense, I think we should start a new tradition: a New Year's gratitude-tion. Or something like that. (Help me come up with a catchy name, folks!)
Oprah Winfrey used to have a regular topic of discussion somehow related to gratitude. I remember wondering why Oprah had the nerve to tell people to journal things they were grateful for. I mean, really, she had everything. Or so it seemed. Rubbing it in seemed rude. Years later, after some thought, I decided that she may have seemed to have it all, but did she? She's really the only one that knows. But, given the few things that have been reported about her past, maybe she had something there. Ya know? If regularly remembering the things she was grateful for helped her, who was I to judge?
Now that Oprah's off the air, I'm sure her gratitude journal idea will wither away along with her "favorite things" shows. (Damn it! Why couldn't I have been an audience member just once?!) And while I don't know if following all of Oprah's advice would be wise, her gratitude idea has merit. Lots of merit. And I think it's high time more people took the time to appreciate what we already have. Preferably on a daily basis, but at least once a year. No time like the present, right?
I thought I'd give you all some ideas to get you started. You may or may not agree with me on the actual things I'm grateful for, but this hopefully will spark some thoughts on what you're grateful for in your own life.
My Gratitude List 2011
I am grateful for:
- This life I've been given (literally and figuratively)
- My family
- My friends
- My health (OK, this one has to be on my list for various reasons. Cliche' I know.)
- Continuing my journey through healing
- Creating stronger bonds with my friends
- My travels, both past and future
- Knowing the difference between want and need
- Still being able to fulfill some wants in life
- YOU! My friends and readers
So, in the immortal words of Oprah, is this your AHA moment? Are you ready to embrace all that you're grateful for? I promise, it will do you good. It will make you feel more peaceful, more joyful, and more aware. And isn't that what it's all about anyway?
Saturday, December 24
Friday, December 23
Whaduyaknow?
Huh. Sometimes I'm amazed at things.
Recently, my husband, on a whim, wondered what would come up on Google if he typed "mommy blogs boise." This is what he found:
I have been at times haphazard in posting. I have been laxadazical (is that a word?) and all over the map with what I choose to post. I have had little interaction with the unknown people that might possibly be reading the blog at all. It has been a strange experience to have a conversation with myself, all the while hoping someone somewhere would read it and fell some sort of connection.
Monday, December 19
What if heaven is now?
Lately, I've been thinking. What with all the Christmas cheer, and holiday stories of generosity... what about the rest of the year?
I mean, poor people are still poor when it's not Christmastime.
Homeless people still need shelter and a nice meal, even when it's not Christmastime.
Children still need something special now and then, even when it's not Christmastime.
Not only did that get me thinking about what my family will be doing throughout the year for those less fortunate, it got me thinking about things more existential.
What if the "heaven" that so many people are looking forward to experiencing in the afterlife is actually here? And what would happen if we all treated this life as if it were heaven? How much suffering and pain could we eliminate? How many lives could we change?
As we all prepare to celebrate Christmas (or Hanukkah, or Festivus ("the feats of strength"), etc) please take a moment to notice what's happening around you. Ask yourself how you can keep the holiday spirit going throughout the year.
Big or small, what can you do to make the world a better place, and how often can you do it?
I know I now have a new goal: to do something for someone else at least once a month for 2012. My kids will get in on it, too, since I'm giving them no choice. ;-)
Heaven on Earth. It is attainable. And it starts with you!
I mean, poor people are still poor when it's not Christmastime.
Homeless people still need shelter and a nice meal, even when it's not Christmastime.
Children still need something special now and then, even when it's not Christmastime.
Not only did that get me thinking about what my family will be doing throughout the year for those less fortunate, it got me thinking about things more existential.
What if the "heaven" that so many people are looking forward to experiencing in the afterlife is actually here? And what would happen if we all treated this life as if it were heaven? How much suffering and pain could we eliminate? How many lives could we change?
As we all prepare to celebrate Christmas (or Hanukkah, or Festivus ("the feats of strength"), etc) please take a moment to notice what's happening around you. Ask yourself how you can keep the holiday spirit going throughout the year.
- Can you pay for the coffee the person in line behind you is going to order?
- Can you serve a meal to the homeless at the shelter sometime in July?
- Can you bring needed items to the food bank in February, to replenish the food already given out for the holidays?
Big or small, what can you do to make the world a better place, and how often can you do it?
I know I now have a new goal: to do something for someone else at least once a month for 2012. My kids will get in on it, too, since I'm giving them no choice. ;-)
Heaven on Earth. It is attainable. And it starts with you!
Tuesday, November 29
WTH?
What the h-e-double hockey sticks has happened? I mean, my goodness, it's already the end of November!!
I don't know about you, but my life has been a bit nutzo lately. Between the kids' activities, schoolwork, holidays and vacation, I hardly have a minute to breathe! And since when does a 5th grader need hours of homework every night? Don't even get me started on the amount of make-up work he has been given after we took a 2 week vacation. Oy! If I had known the extent of the work he's expected to make up, I might have reconsidered our vacation.
Since I didn't know, however, I'm so very glad we went. Where did we go? If any of you reading this know me personally, you already know... HAWAII! Maui, actually. I'm embarrassed (slightly) to say that this was my 7th trip to the Hawaiian islands. More embarrassing than that is that my children have already been to various Hawaiian islands 3 times already in their short little lives. How lucky is that?!
I think we might be spoiling them a little.
I swear I was meant to live in weather that good. The temperature when we got home... mid-40's. Which means, of course, that those great tan lines I got while there were lost on all my friends, since I was covered from head to toe in nearly all my clothing to keep warm.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, spending it with friends, family, or whomever you find the most comfort in. May the holiday season bring you joy and beauty, and may your stress levels stay at sea level. *wink*
I don't know about you, but my life has been a bit nutzo lately. Between the kids' activities, schoolwork, holidays and vacation, I hardly have a minute to breathe! And since when does a 5th grader need hours of homework every night? Don't even get me started on the amount of make-up work he has been given after we took a 2 week vacation. Oy! If I had known the extent of the work he's expected to make up, I might have reconsidered our vacation.
Since I didn't know, however, I'm so very glad we went. Where did we go? If any of you reading this know me personally, you already know... HAWAII! Maui, actually. I'm embarrassed (slightly) to say that this was my 7th trip to the Hawaiian islands. More embarrassing than that is that my children have already been to various Hawaiian islands 3 times already in their short little lives. How lucky is that?!
I think we might be spoiling them a little.
I swear I was meant to live in weather that good. The temperature when we got home... mid-40's. Which means, of course, that those great tan lines I got while there were lost on all my friends, since I was covered from head to toe in nearly all my clothing to keep warm.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, spending it with friends, family, or whomever you find the most comfort in. May the holiday season bring you joy and beauty, and may your stress levels stay at sea level. *wink*
Wednesday, October 19
We did it!
Wow! What an amazing experience today with my friends!
In case you didn't hear, I was on the radio this afternoon. My friends Carrie and Ronda host a weekly show on our local community radio (It's Not One Thing, It's Everything), and they had asked me to come on as a guest to talk about my breast cancer story. Those girlies work hard to get things ready each week! I was fascinated watching them do their thang. And here I thought they just walked in at 2 minutes till, and talked for an hour. That proves that they are really great at what they do, cause they make it look easy!
Anyhoo, between the 3 of us, we talked so much that I forgot to talk about the few things I wanted to get in. Oh well. If anyone listening to the show today is reading this blog, you'll get the gist of what I wanted to say. Especially if you read my last post.
So thanks, ladies, for giving me a voice. A place to encourage others to live life on their own terms and dream big. I puffy heart you both!
In case you didn't hear, I was on the radio this afternoon. My friends Carrie and Ronda host a weekly show on our local community radio (It's Not One Thing, It's Everything), and they had asked me to come on as a guest to talk about my breast cancer story. Those girlies work hard to get things ready each week! I was fascinated watching them do their thang. And here I thought they just walked in at 2 minutes till, and talked for an hour. That proves that they are really great at what they do, cause they make it look easy!
Anyhoo, between the 3 of us, we talked so much that I forgot to talk about the few things I wanted to get in. Oh well. If anyone listening to the show today is reading this blog, you'll get the gist of what I wanted to say. Especially if you read my last post.
So thanks, ladies, for giving me a voice. A place to encourage others to live life on their own terms and dream big. I puffy heart you both!
Sunday, October 16
The month of dread (and the post that nearly wasn't)
I have been avoiding this post all month.
Pinktober. Ugh.
I don't know if it's just because I'm now a "survivor", or if it's because the pink-washing has become more prevalent in the last 5 years, but these days I can't go anywhere without being bombarded by every NFL player and toilet paper package wrapped in pink, with promises of donating a portion of the proceeds to breast cancer. Research or otherwise, these things are not usually very specific on how much money will be donated, or exactly which charity organization will receive the funds.
Which only makes me think they're being vague on purpose, and they're so very grateful that we consumers are so generous and wanting to help people, that we'll buy up all that stuff with the pink ribbon and feel great about the whole thing. What a boondoggle!
Now, I'm not saying every single thing awash in pink is being deceptive. I'm sure there are some companies who really do donate a significant portion of the proceeds to reputable charities. But I'm sure there are those that don't, too. And that just really chaps my hide! This is a great site that explains pinkwashing and those companies who are doing the right thing.
This year, I have some amazing friends I met through YSC (Young Survival Coalition) who have some great ways you can actually make a difference in a survivor's life, and even help fund more research in metastatic disease.
Debbie Cantwell began the Pink Daisy Project soon after her diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. She is doing amazing work for our fellow sisters.
Sally Drees decided there needed to be more donations directed to actual survivors and research for metastatic disease. To that end, she started the 31 Day Project. Find it on Facebook, and learn more about the idea.
Aren't you glad I didn't slap up a bunch of statistics? Believe me, I thought about it. (Especially the one about an American dying from breast cancer every 14 minutes.) But really, statistics lie. Upon diagnosis, I had an 86% chance of survival. As a young mom, those odds are not great. Not bad, and certainly I know women who've been given worse. But really, each one of us are not a statistic. We are fighting every day to continue living.
Thank you for coming here and reading my random thoughts. Happy October!!
Pinktober. Ugh.
I don't know if it's just because I'm now a "survivor", or if it's because the pink-washing has become more prevalent in the last 5 years, but these days I can't go anywhere without being bombarded by every NFL player and toilet paper package wrapped in pink, with promises of donating a portion of the proceeds to breast cancer. Research or otherwise, these things are not usually very specific on how much money will be donated, or exactly which charity organization will receive the funds.
Which only makes me think they're being vague on purpose, and they're so very grateful that we consumers are so generous and wanting to help people, that we'll buy up all that stuff with the pink ribbon and feel great about the whole thing. What a boondoggle!
Now, I'm not saying every single thing awash in pink is being deceptive. I'm sure there are some companies who really do donate a significant portion of the proceeds to reputable charities. But I'm sure there are those that don't, too. And that just really chaps my hide! This is a great site that explains pinkwashing and those companies who are doing the right thing.
This year, I have some amazing friends I met through YSC (Young Survival Coalition) who have some great ways you can actually make a difference in a survivor's life, and even help fund more research in metastatic disease.
Debbie Cantwell began the Pink Daisy Project soon after her diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. She is doing amazing work for our fellow sisters.
Sally Drees decided there needed to be more donations directed to actual survivors and research for metastatic disease. To that end, she started the 31 Day Project. Find it on Facebook, and learn more about the idea.
Aren't you glad I didn't slap up a bunch of statistics? Believe me, I thought about it. (Especially the one about an American dying from breast cancer every 14 minutes.) But really, statistics lie. Upon diagnosis, I had an 86% chance of survival. As a young mom, those odds are not great. Not bad, and certainly I know women who've been given worse. But really, each one of us are not a statistic. We are fighting every day to continue living.
Thank you for coming here and reading my random thoughts. Happy October!!
Wednesday, September 28
My leap of faith begins now
Have you ever had a friend encourage you to do something you've always thought about, but never really thought you could make a go of? I just had the most wonderful lunch with some old friends, and they have inspired me to give up writing in the dark.
I met them all through my children's childcare. As a non-profit, they had a board that I was privileged enough to be asked to join years ago. It was a wonderful experience for me. I felt like I was giving something back to my community, helping those that truly needed it, and making new friends along the way. To this day, they are people I greatly respect and admire, both professionally and personally. Every single one of them have huge hearts and have helped to create a stronger community.
Since we haven't seen each other in a few years, we all went around the table catching everyone up on what we were all up to. It was so great to hear what everyone is doing, and shocking to hear how old all our kids are! (BTW, that does not make any of us old. ;-)) I talked about how I'm going to be a guest on my friends' radio program next month (It's Not One Thing, It's Everything-- 89.9FM KRBX Boise), and how I didn't really know what I was going to talk about. And then I explained what I really want to inspire people to do. Get out there, and quit waiting to follow your dream!
Anyone that knows me knows that I could spend hours talking about all sorts of crazy stuff, but that would never be helpful to anyone! So, I thought I'd ask here if there was anything you guys would love to hear someone like me talk about? Keep in mind, this will be in Pinktober (October for you mainstream, non-initiated folks.) So, I'm sure there will be some information about breast cancer in there.
What I don't want to do is talk about awareness. My God, I think by now we're all aware of breast cancer! We know it exists, and that lots more women (and men) are being diagnosed than ever before. You can't walk down the aisle of any store next month without seeing pink plastered to every possible saleable opportunity. I'm probably going to spend more time talking about how to truly help someone with cancer. Or any illness for that matter. How you can make a difference and fund a cure.
But I'd also love to talk about whatever you want to hear about. Do you want to hear about signs/symptoms? How about statistics? Would you rather hear about my personal journey, or should I make it more impersonal? I want to make my time on air as informative and interesting as I can. If you have any thoughts, feel free to post a comment here, or send me a personal message at CancerMommy1{at}g m a i l {dot} c o m.
And a big huge thank you to my friends from Giraffe Laugh, who inspire me and push me to take a leap of faith now and then. :-)
I met them all through my children's childcare. As a non-profit, they had a board that I was privileged enough to be asked to join years ago. It was a wonderful experience for me. I felt like I was giving something back to my community, helping those that truly needed it, and making new friends along the way. To this day, they are people I greatly respect and admire, both professionally and personally. Every single one of them have huge hearts and have helped to create a stronger community.
Since we haven't seen each other in a few years, we all went around the table catching everyone up on what we were all up to. It was so great to hear what everyone is doing, and shocking to hear how old all our kids are! (BTW, that does not make any of us old. ;-)) I talked about how I'm going to be a guest on my friends' radio program next month (It's Not One Thing, It's Everything-- 89.9FM KRBX Boise), and how I didn't really know what I was going to talk about. And then I explained what I really want to inspire people to do. Get out there, and quit waiting to follow your dream!
Anyone that knows me knows that I could spend hours talking about all sorts of crazy stuff, but that would never be helpful to anyone! So, I thought I'd ask here if there was anything you guys would love to hear someone like me talk about? Keep in mind, this will be in Pinktober (October for you mainstream, non-initiated folks.) So, I'm sure there will be some information about breast cancer in there.
What I don't want to do is talk about awareness. My God, I think by now we're all aware of breast cancer! We know it exists, and that lots more women (and men) are being diagnosed than ever before. You can't walk down the aisle of any store next month without seeing pink plastered to every possible saleable opportunity. I'm probably going to spend more time talking about how to truly help someone with cancer. Or any illness for that matter. How you can make a difference and fund a cure.
But I'd also love to talk about whatever you want to hear about. Do you want to hear about signs/symptoms? How about statistics? Would you rather hear about my personal journey, or should I make it more impersonal? I want to make my time on air as informative and interesting as I can. If you have any thoughts, feel free to post a comment here, or send me a personal message at CancerMommy1{at}g m a i l {dot} c o m.
And a big huge thank you to my friends from Giraffe Laugh, who inspire me and push me to take a leap of faith now and then. :-)
Wednesday, September 21
Ouch! My achin' Chakras!
I don't know if I've blogged about this before, but I have been a bit addicted to yoga lately. A neighbor has been teaching yoga for over 20 years, and I finally started taking classes this summer. Now, I've taken yoga classes before. Lots of 'em. But about the 3rd class into it, I had an strange experience that really helped open me. I don't know if it's because I have alot of emotional stuff to get through or what, but I had a moment in all the zen of focusing on myself that just changed me.
Tears, lots and lots of tears. I felt like in all the pain of certain poses (since I'm not exactly a yogi, some poses are very difficult for me) I reached a place inside myself that was in just as much pain. It welled up and overfloweth me in that moment. I couldn't hold back, and ended up in child's pose in a loud puddle of tears and sobbing. Even though I didn't know most of my fellow practitioners well, I felt completely safe thanks to my neighbor. It was one of the most healing things I have experienced in my life.
It was clear in that moment that I have not moved beyond my cancer. Oh sure, I've been celebrating my 5 year mark, and living life without worrying about cancer these days. I was sure that I had successfully weathered the emotional storm of cancer and navigated my way through it unscathed. As that one moment taught me, impossible!
I have an immense appreciation for those of you who can easily clear toxic emotions. I have always been in the camp of "stuff it and it'll go away." Turns out emotions have a strange way of coming back up when you least expect it.
I've been working on this for months now. It has been a unique experience for me. Since I've had such a positive experience so far, I decided to take my instructor's Chakra class. It was a 2-day class, with information and explanation of Chakras on day 1, and an experiential component on day 2. I have had some experience with Chakras before, when I've had healing touch therapy. So, I was no stranger to any of that stuff. But participating in day 2's program has left me feeling... strange, confused, and lost.
The actual thing we did as a group is nothing that strange-- just some breathing in a particular way, focusing on the Chakras one at a time. I think it might be all the emotions that this method of breathing has brought to the surface that I'm a bit wigged out by. Maybe I just can't sort through them all right now. Maybe it just takes time. Or maybe it has something to do with my husband telling me all this yoga practice I've been involved in is a kind of religion. (I hate how his words end up circling around in my head when I don't agree with him!) The religion issue is a very long post for another time, but suffice it to say, I am not a religion fan personally. If it helps you and you feel a connection to some religion or group, I applaud you. I just don't. And I've spent my entire adult life trying to get my family and some friends to understand that. *sigh*
This morning in yoga class, I had a moment of pain (physically and emotionally.) I suppose it's something I will be feeling for a very long while. Or until I can sort through it all. But, from the way things feel today, there's an awful lot of stuff to sort.
I guess my point is this: do not ever feel that you should be "over" cancer, or any of the emotions associated with them. Every and all reactions are normal. Just don't let them simmer. Get them out, turn them over, check them out. That is truly the only way you're going to be able to release them once and for all.
Namaste
Tears, lots and lots of tears. I felt like in all the pain of certain poses (since I'm not exactly a yogi, some poses are very difficult for me) I reached a place inside myself that was in just as much pain. It welled up and overfloweth me in that moment. I couldn't hold back, and ended up in child's pose in a loud puddle of tears and sobbing. Even though I didn't know most of my fellow practitioners well, I felt completely safe thanks to my neighbor. It was one of the most healing things I have experienced in my life.
It was clear in that moment that I have not moved beyond my cancer. Oh sure, I've been celebrating my 5 year mark, and living life without worrying about cancer these days. I was sure that I had successfully weathered the emotional storm of cancer and navigated my way through it unscathed. As that one moment taught me, impossible!
I have an immense appreciation for those of you who can easily clear toxic emotions. I have always been in the camp of "stuff it and it'll go away." Turns out emotions have a strange way of coming back up when you least expect it.
I've been working on this for months now. It has been a unique experience for me. Since I've had such a positive experience so far, I decided to take my instructor's Chakra class. It was a 2-day class, with information and explanation of Chakras on day 1, and an experiential component on day 2. I have had some experience with Chakras before, when I've had healing touch therapy. So, I was no stranger to any of that stuff. But participating in day 2's program has left me feeling... strange, confused, and lost.
The actual thing we did as a group is nothing that strange-- just some breathing in a particular way, focusing on the Chakras one at a time. I think it might be all the emotions that this method of breathing has brought to the surface that I'm a bit wigged out by. Maybe I just can't sort through them all right now. Maybe it just takes time. Or maybe it has something to do with my husband telling me all this yoga practice I've been involved in is a kind of religion. (I hate how his words end up circling around in my head when I don't agree with him!) The religion issue is a very long post for another time, but suffice it to say, I am not a religion fan personally. If it helps you and you feel a connection to some religion or group, I applaud you. I just don't. And I've spent my entire adult life trying to get my family and some friends to understand that. *sigh*
This morning in yoga class, I had a moment of pain (physically and emotionally.) I suppose it's something I will be feeling for a very long while. Or until I can sort through it all. But, from the way things feel today, there's an awful lot of stuff to sort.
I guess my point is this: do not ever feel that you should be "over" cancer, or any of the emotions associated with them. Every and all reactions are normal. Just don't let them simmer. Get them out, turn them over, check them out. That is truly the only way you're going to be able to release them once and for all.
Namaste
Thursday, August 25
Lessons in parenthood
It's that time of year again, folks. School has begun around here, and that means alot of getting up early, going to bed earlier than we'd like, and your basic disruption of all that is fun. Boo!
My kids like school just fine. Unfortunately, their just like their Momma, in that they hate having to go somewhere like school (or work) when they'd rather be playing with friends and having no schedule at all.
Every year, along with the start of school and all that entails, there's one other thing that starts up this time of year. And I dread it every. single. year. PARENTING!!
I don't mean the normal "eat your veggies" or "it's your bedtime" type stuff. That's fairly easy parenting stuff for me. I'm talking about those times when it would be so much easier if I could just be their friend and give them one more chance. You know, one more chance after the hundreds of chances they've already been given, but most of the time didn't even know they'd received it? It would mean avoiding that hateful stare I get when they don't get their way. Avoiding the feeling that I've somehow disappointed them, and that they might never, ever forgive me.
Obviously, parenting occurs all year round. But once school starts, there's more structure, deadlines, and stress. And lots less time to play with friends and just be. So, at least around here, there seems to be an uptick in the number of times I have to keep my kids' feet to the fire (so to speak) once the school year begins.
Do you know why I always end up choosing to be the parent over being the friend? I remember that I truly care how well they turn out. I want them to be great people, and I want everyone they meet to think that they are, too.
When I was going through cancer treatments, there were many times that I just wanted to be their friend and do the fun stuff. I just didn't want them to remember me as the mean mom. I was afraid that I'd be dead before they could have very many good memories of their mom. It was a horrible place to be!
Now, 5 years out, I see the rewards of being their parent, even when I didn't want to. They're responsible for themselves (as much as a 10 and 7 year old can be.) They're respectful of others. They have their own ideas of how to get things done and how to treat people. And they surprise me with their insights into relationships. My kids are really great people!
Thinking about the bigger picture and seeing the results of that are endlessly rewarding. No one ever said that parenthood would be easy. But I don't think it's possible to express to others how much joy and happiness you receive in return.
My kids like school just fine. Unfortunately, their just like their Momma, in that they hate having to go somewhere like school (or work) when they'd rather be playing with friends and having no schedule at all.
Every year, along with the start of school and all that entails, there's one other thing that starts up this time of year. And I dread it every. single. year. PARENTING!!
I don't mean the normal "eat your veggies" or "it's your bedtime" type stuff. That's fairly easy parenting stuff for me. I'm talking about those times when it would be so much easier if I could just be their friend and give them one more chance. You know, one more chance after the hundreds of chances they've already been given, but most of the time didn't even know they'd received it? It would mean avoiding that hateful stare I get when they don't get their way. Avoiding the feeling that I've somehow disappointed them, and that they might never, ever forgive me.
Obviously, parenting occurs all year round. But once school starts, there's more structure, deadlines, and stress. And lots less time to play with friends and just be. So, at least around here, there seems to be an uptick in the number of times I have to keep my kids' feet to the fire (so to speak) once the school year begins.
Do you know why I always end up choosing to be the parent over being the friend? I remember that I truly care how well they turn out. I want them to be great people, and I want everyone they meet to think that they are, too.
When I was going through cancer treatments, there were many times that I just wanted to be their friend and do the fun stuff. I just didn't want them to remember me as the mean mom. I was afraid that I'd be dead before they could have very many good memories of their mom. It was a horrible place to be!
Now, 5 years out, I see the rewards of being their parent, even when I didn't want to. They're responsible for themselves (as much as a 10 and 7 year old can be.) They're respectful of others. They have their own ideas of how to get things done and how to treat people. And they surprise me with their insights into relationships. My kids are really great people!
Thinking about the bigger picture and seeing the results of that are endlessly rewarding. No one ever said that parenthood would be easy. But I don't think it's possible to express to others how much joy and happiness you receive in return.
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